


The One I Needed

by Dean_loves_Cas_and_his_trenchcoat, Julii



Category: Supernatural
Genre: John and Cas fighting, M/M, Sam Is So Done, Sam doesn't want to deal with all the gay Destiel shit anymore, Smut, disapproving!John, domestic destiel pie eating, holify isn't a word, john comes back from the dead, story with two authors, we serve the finest Winchester Brand™ arguments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-09-22 07:19:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9591215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dean_loves_Cas_and_his_trenchcoat/pseuds/Dean_loves_Cas_and_his_trenchcoat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julii/pseuds/Julii
Summary: After the Winchesters managed the trouble between the Darkness and her brother, Amara promised to bring back someone Dean needed. What he hadn't expected though was the person she actually revived: John Winchester.Alternate timeline after s11 where instead of Mary, John is the one being brought back. Now the brothers have to deal with their father.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We are two authors working on this story together, the first chapter is written by [Dean_loves_Cas_and_his_trenchcoat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dean_loves_Cas_and_his_trenchcoat) and the second by [osna](http://archiveofourown.org/users/osna), and then we'll take turns every chapter. Hope you enjoy!!

When Amara said she'd bring back someone Dean needed to thank him for fixing Chuck and her sibling drama, to say that the brothers were surprised to discover who she brought back would be an understatement.  
Dean thought about a lot of people that he'd lost after hearing Amara's words. To be honest, he thought about everyone he'd lost, except the particular person who Amara thought he needed back.  
His father.  
John Winchester.

To see John Winchester right in front of him after all those years kind of made Dean uncomfortable and confused. He thought that if the thing that he needed was to have one of his parents back with him and Sam, Mary Winchester would have been a wiser and far better choice than their dad. The man did sell his soul to save Dean's life, but he also told him he needed to kill his brother, he wasn't his favourite person in the world, mind you.

So now the whole thing resulted in Sam and Dean staring at a pissed, frustrated and lost John Winchester in a graveyard, not knowing what to do or say. Their father was wearing the same clothes he wore during his last day on earth. The day he sold his soul to save one of his sons’ life. But what was disturbing, according to Dean, was the fact that John didn't look like he aged at all. He seemed to be not much older than Dean.

And to make things even worse they had no idea where Castiel went off. Dean hadn’t seen the angel after Amara vanished with Chuck.

"Sam? Dean? What the fuck is going on?!" John exploded after at least 5 minutes of silence and staring.  
"Who are you? You're sure not my sons!"

Sam awkwardly tried to smile at their dad but failed and looked like he had just ate a lemon.

"Hey... dad! It's been... a while?" Sam hesitated while Dean cringed after hearing this failed attempt to communicate with John Winchester.

"Dad, we can explain!" Dean quickly reacted as soon as John took a step forward at them, looking ready to fight.

It was obvious John thought the men before him weren't his sons. It'll be tough to explain the whole situation to John realised Dean.  
Fuck! He’d probably want to know about everything that's happened after his death... and that was going to be the roughest thing to do with their dad being back, pondered Dean.

"W-wait! Wait! We can proof it is us!" Sam exclaimed, raising his hands in an attempt to calm John.

"Mom! Your wife, our mother, Mary Winchester, used to sing me Hey Jude when I was little before she died in a fire caused by a demon when I was 4-" Dean tried to tell John.

"It doesn't mean anything! You could have asked Dean! Or found it out somehow! I don't know!" John interrupted Dean while picking at him suspiciously.

"Just before you sold your soul to save my life... you told me that I'd have to kill my brother." Dean said darkly and bitterly, glaring at his father with cold anger in the eyes.

John took a step backward at those words and shyly glanced at Sam.  
Then he seemed to straighten his posture and glared at Dean.

"Oh yeah? Well the Sam in front of me looks very alive to me. So tell me Dean, why wouldn't you have done what I told you to if you really are my son? Because I'm damn sure that Dean wouldn't have disobeyed to any of my orders." John declared spitefully to Dean, his words full of confidence.

"Really? That's where you're going? You really think I'd do something like that? Seriously dad?..." The older brother said slowly, disappointment and hurt filling his eyes.

Sam looked at his brother with pride, thinking about the fact that Dean finally stood up against John, but also with sadness, because his own dad wanted his death at some point.

Dean suddenly turned away and got a silver knife and a flask from somewhere on him and then faced John.

"Here, look it's a silver knife and that's holy water. And it has no effect on us." Dean told John neutrally, cutting his left arm and splashed himself in the face with the holy water before splashing Sam in the face without warning and passing him over the silver knife.

"Thanks Dean." Sam said, sarcasm rushing from his words while wiping the water off his face.

Once the brothers both cut their arms with the silver knife, they looked at their dad expectantly. It only took John two seconds to answer to their stares.

"How can I be sure it's a real silver knife and holy water? You could use fake ones to trick me!" John said, still looking at his sons suspiciously.

"Really?... Why'd we do that?! You're such a paranoid person! What? You want to holify the water yourself?!" Dean exclaimed in disbelief after hearing his father's words.

"It doesn't exist...Holify isn't a word, Dean, it's bless water not holify water!" Sam outrageously told Dean, slowly shaking his head with disappointment at his brother’s lack of vocabulary.

Dean turned his face from his father to his brother and glared at Sam.

"Really, Sammy? You really think it's that important? Now?" Dean asked his brother.

"No but it's just-" Sam stopped himself as his brother's glare became darker and darker at each new word that Sam said.  
"You know what? Never mind, jerk."

"That's what I thought, bitch."

At those words something seemed to changed in John Winchester's eyes as he looked at his sons talk to each other. He seemed to be about to say something when Dean turned back to him.

"Whatever! As Sammy says _bless_ the fricking water if that’s what you want! I'll be waiting in the car if you want to splash it on my face yourself for a second round!" Dean erupted in anger and left before Sam or John had the time to say a word.

Sam didn't know what to say nor to do so he stayed there with John, staring at him but not saying a word.  
After five minutes, both Sam and John joined a very angry Dean in the Impala in silence.  
Sam must have talked to their father since he looked like he accepted the fact they were his sons, Dean thought to himself.  
Dean was already in the driver’s seat, so naturally Sam took the shotgun, which left John to sit in the back of the car.

It felt weird to John to be in the back of his own car, but he said nothing. Since Dean and Sam's little conversation he immediately recognised his sons. How couldn't he! Nobody could fake their stupid "bitch/jerk" thing that well. John knew he wasn't the best father in the world, but he could recognise his own sons.

They traveled in the Impala, in awkward silence, without music and with Sam lurking at his father and brother every four seconds.  
Dean was gripping the wheel so hard that his knuckles went white.

Finally they arrived at the bunker.  
The three of them felt released to leave the car's awful atmosphere. Sam thought that maybe being in a large place would help, or at least that's what he was hoping.

When they entered into the bunker, Sam gestured to his father to follow him and went to the library. Once there, both men sat at a table while Dean left to take a beer still in silence since he left the graveyard.  
In the kitchen, Dean was pacing, trying to adjust to the fact that his dad was alive again. After a few minutes which seemed like hours to him, Dean took a beer thinking he'd need to drink everyday if having John back would be like that all the time. Maybe he'd need something even stronger than a beer considering the fact that Cas still hadn’t shown up yet.

At this thought, he heard gasps from the library and a chair falling down.  
Without taking time to think, Dean sprinted to the library, his gun already in hand and his beer forgotten on the kitchen's table.

When he entered into the library, Dean immediately calmed down at the sight of a very familiar trench-coat.  
Castiel was back.

The angel was facing a very uncomfortable Sam and John Winchester. Sam and Dean's father seemed to be the cause of the chair falling down. He must have stood up so fast when he saw Cas appear in the bunker that his chair fell, Dean thought.  
Fear and anger were clearly visible in John's eyes, even though he tried to look like he wasn't afraid at all of this unknown creature that appeared in the middle of the bunker, which was supposed to be “warded against evil“ according to Sam.

"It's okay dad! He's a friend, he's not a demon!" Sam quickly announced to John, which only seemed to make John even more suspicious than ever.

"A friend? What is it?!" John demanded to know, keeping his eyes locked on Castiel.

The sight of his father and Cas being in the same room made Dean anxious. They were literally glaring at each other.  
Sam glanced at Dean, clearly trying to get help from his brother. Dean opened his mouth to say something to Sam when he saw Cas taking a step forward, looking like he was about to fight John.

"Cas! Hey!" Dean went to stand in front of the angel.  
"Cas this is J-" he started but was interrupted by Castiel.

"I know who this is,” Cas stated, glaring coldly at John Winchester.

Dean took a step backward at Castiel's statement and studied the angel's face questioningly.

"If it knows who I am then can I know what it is?" John suddenly ordered, looking really pissed.

"He’s not a thing! He is a person, don't talk about him like that." Sam turned his face to his father and angrily voiced to his father.

This earned a weak smile from Castiel and a proud one from Dean.

Then without warning Castiel walked forward to John and stopped just about five centimeters in front of him. The angel's usual frown was stronger than ever. John looked taken aback by the angel's close proximity and didn't take a step backward only because of his pride.  
Castiel stared at the Winchester's father before slowly declaring with a challenging look:

"I am an angel of the lord."


	2. Chapter 2

“An angel?“ John asked with a flustered voice and turned to his sons. “And you two believe that crap? Really?“

For a moment Dean couldn’t think of the right way to answer that. _Yes, dad, we believe that crap. Cas’s our friend,_ might’ve been an impulsive thing to say, but instead Dean just stood there with an unbelieving expression painted all over his face and a half-opened mouth, searching his mind for an appropriate response that wouldn’t piss off his already pissed father. This whole situation was stranger than meeting God himself and discovering he was an amateur author writing fanfiction about Sam and Dean.

Instead Sam was the first to say something. “Yes, dad. Believe it or not, Dean and I went through a lot, and Cas helped us getting through it. We would’ve died at several occasions if it wasn’t for him, and you should thank him for being with your sons when he didn’t have to.“

“Cas is family,“ Dean added, determination ringing in his voice when he stood closer to the angel. There wasn't any doubt in what he said, and when Cas threw him an appreciative smile he couldn't help but feel his chest warming up like he had just incinerated a match between his lungs. Family didn’t end with blood, that was something Dean understood better through Cas than anyone else could’ve taught him.

John nodded slowly and answered with an ambiguous grunt that could’ve been both approving or disapproving, but the frown covering his face wasn't something to be ignored easily. Dean was just about to say something that could’ve started a more serious fight, but Cas stopped him when he said something to break Dean’s train of thought and every intention to discuss with his father.

“We don't have time for this,“ Cas exclaimed and Dean knew the angel well enough to tell that he was still furious, but forced himself to focus on what he wanted to say, “I discovered a possible hunt in a town not far from here, three people are already dead. We can get there in about two hours of driving and I suggest at least two of us inspect it.“

“A hunt, Cas?“ Dean just gave him the arch of an eyebrow his father mimicked as a prime example of their relatedness, “We just dealt with the Darkness and you immediately wanna go huntin‘ again? Don’t we deserve a day off?“

“No Dean, Cas is right,“ came as a reply from his brother, “We can't just sit back when innocent people are dying. Doesn’t matter that the Darkness is just gone, we have a job to do. But if you want to stay, fine, stay. I guess Cas and I can go alone.“

There were a lot of reasons why Dean couldn’t let that happen. First and most important, he would rather go back to hell than stay alone with his dad in awkward silence for days until Sam and Cas got back to the bunker. And besides that, after the threat of almost dying he wanted to do nothing more in this world than be with Cas and Sam and make sure they were safe and sound. No, he wouldn't let them go off on a hunt without him, no matter how small it was.

“I’m coming with you,“ John exclaimed with all seriousness, “I won't let my sons go hunt without me.“

Sam’s mouth left a small, snorting kind of laughter. “Yeah sure, dad. As if we couldn’t handle a hunt ourselves.“ But John didn’t seem to find it quite as amusing as his younger son did. Though Sam didn’t have much more than a shake of his head to answer. “No, seriously,“ he said, “Look at us, dad. Dean and I are in our thirties, we're old enough to handle a hunt without you. We’ve been on more together than we’ve been with you before you died, there’s really nothing to worry about.“

But John wouldn’t refrain from the disapproving look that covered his face like a permanent tattoo. For him, his sons still had to be the bloody amateurs they had been back when Wendigos and lower class demons were still the biggest problems they had to face. John didn’t know anything about the apocalypse yet, about Sam and Dean being to hell or what the Darkness really was besides the fact that she was able to bring people back from the dead. And when it was about what Sam and Dean wanted, John wouldn't find out about any of that. If being alive again freaked him out as much as it did, he was nowhere near handling the information that his boys had doomed and saved this world several times before. Even though Dean would’ve loved the smile of pride on his father’s face. No, it was for the better if he didn’t know. 

“We can discuss the details in the car. Let's go,“ Cas pressured and turned on his heel to head for the stairs. Sam just grabbed his bag and followed him, and after a disfavouring exchange of eye contact Dean and his father were right behind them. Dean grunted under the sudden realization that he didn’t even had the time to sit down and have a beer. His whole body hurt and after all the trouble with Amara he could sincerely need an eight hour night of sleep and three days of netflix and getting drunk. But no, a stupid hunt and an awkward ride in the Impala it was.

With him in the driver’s seat and Sam as shotgun, Cas and John had to share the backseat, and Dean crept the slight notion that it might hadn’t been the best idea to put these two right next to each other. They just threw evil glares and grunted, but didn’t acknowledge each other in any other way, which was better then them throwing punches and yelling obscenities, Dean assumed.

Cas briefly explained what he had found out about the case so far. Three people had died on a construction site, and even though that didn’t sound like much of a case at first, the circumstances were concerning. The three men had just suddenly died, all of them were dark blonds about the same age in their thirties and definitely healthy, so no reason for such spontaneous deaths. And before the constructions started, the house that stood in the spot before was demolished, and it was rumoured that said house had been haunted since the 50s. They all agreed they had looked into less, so it was definitely worth a shot.

A two hour drive wasn't very long, but sitting there in awkward silence with an occasional grunt from either Cas or John stretched every minute into an unbearable eternity. Dean would’ve turned on the radio, but every time him or Sam reached for the buttons, John would vocalize his discontent in a growl that seemed more like thunderstorms than coming from an actual human being. So Dean didn't try anymore, and neither did Sam. When they finally crossed the city sign of Litchfield, Nebraska, Dean mentally thanked god and was just happy for this torture to finally be over when they drove into the parking lot of a cheap motel. As he stepped out of the Impala he felt the jumbled wires inside his chest entangle so he could breathe again and if someone had asked Dean, the asphalt in front of a cheap motel had never smelled better.

After Dean had checked in under the name of “James Hetfield”, the four of them found themselves in the two-bed-room Cas and Dean would share tonight (to Dean’s luck the older Winchester had once in his life won a game of rock-paper-scissors against his brother, which meant he was spared from sleeping in a room with John).

“I say Dean and I investigate the construction site,” John ordered as soon as they had put down their stuff in the room, “Sam, you take the angel to research on the history of that haunted house. Everything clear?” 

But that wasn't the way Dean would have it, and it sure as hell wasn’t the way he would let John talk down on them. Not anymore.

“Okay dad, first of all,” Dean declared with arms crossed defensively in front of his body, “Cas has a name. He’s part of the team and you ain’t treatin’ him like some kind of creature. And we gonna decide together what to do next, no ordering around and nothin’, okay dad? Everything clear?” He raised a challenging eyebrow that said without words “You’re the one who wanted to come along, so play by the rules.”

Sam stepped between the two before a hurricane of curse words could come down on them and tried to calm the waves of the storm that was going on between the eyes of John and Dean. “Guys, let's think about this. Dad's plan isn't that bad.” But neither John nor Dean would look at him, all they did was growl roughly.

“I want to go with Dean,” Cas interrupted with his serious, monotone voice that brought Dean back down from being a hand grenade with a plugged pin to feeling a lot more at ease. He glanced over to the angel and suddenly felt so self-conscious. He was about to fight with his father, the man he had missed for years, and it wouldn't be the first time today. It really was stupid. And what weird kind of role reversal was this? He was the one starting an argument with his dad and Sam was trying to calm them? That was probably what Chuck would call “character development” in his books.

“Okay, yeah,” Dean breathed out in an attempt to calm himself, “I’ll go with Cas, alright? We gonna inspect that construction site and afterwards see if we can get a look at the bodies of the victims. And you do some research on the house. Is that okay with everyone?” He threw an unsure eyebrow at his dad and looked over to Cas and Sam to find out if they approved his plan, getting a slight nod from his brother and the note of a smile from his angel friend that felt welcomingly reassuring.

“Fine,” John grunted, “We’re doing it your way. I’m waiting outside.” With these words he went through the front door and let it fall shut behind him, a rattling sounds that ripped a shred into the fabric of silence that filled the room after he left. The three of them looked at the space where John had been just a moment ago and waited for something to happen.

Eventually, Dean swallowed and said: “Okay. Good. Having dad back really is fun, but we should get going.” With some agreeing nods they grabbed their stuff and went outside.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After splitting up, Dean and Castiel spend the day together to investigate the case. They go to the morgue, have a pie break and then go to the construction site where the victims were killed.  
> Some things happen as expected some others not really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooookay so as I'm sure you already guessed I'm really bad at writing summary (upload: I'm also rubbish at uploading chapter) but hey at least I tried! Anyway here comes the chapter 3 with some subtle domestic Destiel if you're interested in that kinda stuff  
> So I really hope you'll like this chapter because I had lots of fun writing it!  
> _Al  
> Xxx

Chapter 3

After splitting up, Dean and Cas walked together to the Impala in silence. Dean would be damned if Sam and their father had taken Baby. No matter what his father being alive again meant, Baby was his and that was it, point of the story!  
Once in the car, Dean couldn't help but ask the question that had been tormenting him ever since Cas reappeared in the bunker.

"So, where did you disappear to after I went to see Amara? Sam told me once I left, you just vanished to only reappear in the bunker without warning and make dad freak out after everything,” Dean asked Cas, looking at him with concern.

Suddenly, Cas' eyes, which were fixed on Dean, looked down and sadness started to cover his face.

"Dean... you were going to sacrifice yourself. You were willing to die to save the world and I couldn't face that. I couldn't just stay there and wait for it to happen, for you to explode with all those souls inside you..." Cas said painfully, while slowly raising his head to look at Dean.  
"You were going to die and I couldn't do anything to stop it. So I left because therefore, at least, I wouldn't face it,” the angel sorrowfully told Dean.

The hunter stared at the angel for long minutes with a painful frown on his face.  
He hadn't been prepared for Cas' words. He thought Cas'd have said something along the line "I had something to do" or something like that. But what he said, Cas not being able to bear the thought of Dean dying? This was just too much for Dean, he hadn't expected to mean so much to Cas and to think about it, Cas meant just as much to Dean. He realised that if Castiel went to die, Dean wouldn't be able to face it too, it'd even destroy him.  
He couldn't lose _his_ angel.

So after a moment of staring at each other's eyes, Dean reached out, without hesitation, to Cas and pulled him into a hug. Castiel rested his forehead on Dean's shoulder, relaxing into his arms, treasuring the fact that he was alive. They stayed like that for a little bit, the position not really comfortable in the car but still comforting. Then, when they separated from each other, Dean threw a little smile at Cas, straightened himself into his seat and started the car. 

"So the hunt! Ready to go see some rotten corpses, Cas? I bet it'll be fun!" Dean exclaimed sarcastically after clearing his voice.

"I don't think seeing rotten corpses should be considered as a fun activity, Dean,” Castiel wondered thoughtfully.

"Cas, buddy, ever heard of something called _sarcasm_?" Dean asked Cas, rolling his eyes at the angel's seriousness.

"Yes, actually I heard of it. It's just that I only recognise it when it's _funny_ ,” Castiel answered with a smug smile and a condescending raised eyebrow.

"Cas! Since when are you that sassy?!" Dean burst into laugh, shocked by the angel's words but also proud and amused by it.

At this, Castiel smiled shyly and proudly to Dean and shrugged his shoulders.

~~~~~

Once arrived at the morgue, after a briefing from the forensic pathologist on the victims, they got to be alone to inspect the corpses.  
The hunter and the angel both went to stand on the left of the body, Cas closer to the head and Dean to the middle.  
Dean looked at Castiel with a childish smile and dramatically pulled the sheets off from the first victim, while Cas sighted at Dean's antics.  
Once the corpse at sight, Cas bent over it, his face close to the corpse's head.

"Oh come on man! Really? Again with the smelling corpses? How many times will you do that?! It's weird as fuck!" Dean immediately exclaimed, with a disgusted face, at the sight of Cas bending over the corpse.

" I'm **not** _smelling_ the corpse, Dean. I'm looking at the marks on the neck of the victim,” Cas replied, insisting on the "not" and rolling his eyes at Dean, after straightening himself out.

"Oh... uhm yeah well don't get that close! It's a dead body!" Dean struggled weakly, trying to keep a strong facade after realising that he assumed wrong.

"I _know_ it's a dead body, Dean. Could you please stop stating obvious facts and look at the marks? I think all the victims were strangled to death,” Cas said, rolling once again his eyes.

Dean stepped closer to Cas, pressing all his right side to the angel, in order to have a proper look of the marks on the victim's neck and not just for the sake of touching Cas, Dean told himself.

"Looks like the guys were strangled yeah, you right Cas," Dean agreed seriously.

They continued to look at the corpses to find new information.  
After a few minutes into inspecting the victims corpses, Castiel noticed something disturbing with them.

"Dean, don't you think they all look like you?" Cas asked Dean with a concerned voice.

"Pffff... come on I'm more gorgeous than each of these guys. Even if I was rotten I'd look better than them!" Dean huffed at Cas' question, looking offended by it.

"Dean, I'm serious. They all are in their thirties, with short dark blond hair and healthy, even though your eating habits are questionable, you fit the profile Dean,” Cas insisted.

"Come on, Cas! You're making things up, you're seeing similarities for no reason. Stop thinking too much, buddy,”  
Dean denied and tried to reassure Cas, waving his hand at Cas and walking towards the door, showing that they were done with the morgue and corpses.

Once both Cas and Dean reached the Impala and sat in it, Dean turned to Cas with a huge grin.

"Time for some pie and then we go visit that construction site where the three men were killed, what do you say?" Dean asked, hope to soon eat some pie filling his eyes.  
Cas simply nodded at the words, not caring that much about it since he was an angel and didn't need to eat and even though he wanted to eat something it'd just taste like molecules.  
If getting pie would make Dean happy then Cas was okay with that, the angel thought. 

~~~~~

They found a little coffee shop that was about five minutes away from the motel they were staying at and that served pies, for Dean's delight.  
They were sitting at a table with Dean already halfway through his apple pie slice. He was telling Cas something about a rock band, but since Dean had started to eat, Castiel was just wincing at him. After about five minutes, Cas sighed and opened his mouth to talk.

"Sam's right you know? You should close your mouth when you eat and not talk while chewing at the same time." Cas said with a grimace of disgust stuck on his face.

"Are you seriously telling me that?! Is that why you've spent the whole time here wincing like Draco Malfoy?" Dean exclaimed suddenly, offended to hear that from Cas and not from Sam.

Since Metatron uploaded Castiel's knowledge, he was proud to understand the Harry Potter reference but didn't comment on it since he was too bothered by Dean’s chewing noises.

"Dean! I can see everything that's being chewed in your mouth! Can't you eat properly?" Cas requested from Dean seriously disgusted.

"You need to stop spending time with Sammy, you're becoming to sound just like him." Dean muttered, finally eating with his mouth closed as Castiel requested.

After this little incident, Dean finished his slice of pie, payed and they left to go to the construction site.

Arrived there, they directly went forward the responsible of the site. As they approached him, the man made a face as he analysed their clothes. Clearly, their _FBI agents_ suits didn't make a good impression.

"If you don't have any warrants then just leave already! My guys work here! And they don't need to be reminded by some cold hearted assholes that three of their friends died recently,” the man yelled at them before they even had the time to open their mouths.

"Wow wooowww! Calm down sir, why so grumpy? We haven't said a word yet,” Dean immediately reacted, raising his hands.

"I know who you are! Some agents already came around to ask questions and bother my guys!" The man groaned the words with rage.

"We just want to ask questions about the place, we don't want nor need to ask anything to your _guys_ ,” Dean tried with the man.

"The place?..." the man asked slowly, perplexity filling his words and his face.

"Yeah, it won't take long. We just want to know if something ever happened in here before the three men's deaths. Maybe like a long time ago?" Dean asked kingly and hopeful that the man would be more comfortable with answering questions about the place and not about the men's deaths.

Castiel, who was not in the man's sight, shook his head questioningly at Dean. He felt unsure about why Dean stated that they didn't want to ask questions about the men's deaths to the workers, when they _did_ want and needed to.  
At this, Dean just shook his head back to Cas and threw him a glance that said _later_.  
Castiel's constant frown deepened as he tried to find an answer on his own, but he kept quiet since he knew talking to people wasn't something he was good at.

"No... no there was nothing really interesting that happened in here. There was only just that old dreadful house before it was demolished not that long ago,” the man hesitated.

"A _dreadful_ house you say? What do you mean? Like haunted?" The hunter asked, hiding his eagerness and hope.

"Yeah exactly or so that's what people used to say. People around say that it was haunted by the vengeful spirit of that poor guy who committed suicide because of his father or some bullshit like that. You know, usual ghost stories." 

Dean and Cas looked at each other knowingly at these words.

"Okay, well thanks for your time sir. That's just what we needed to know. Have a good day. Bye," Dean rushed, leaving a very perplexed man on the construction site, while grabbing Cas' right arm and lead him to leave the place.

"So it's a spirit then,” Cas stated once they reached the car and entered into it.

"Yeah, we ought to find more stuff about that guy who killed himself because of his father and then salt and burn bitch!" Dean declared.

"Why did you say we didn't need to ask the workers about the three men's deaths? We needed to,” Cas wondered, observing Dean, confusion covering his face.

"Pfff.. the guys obviously wouldn't have let us so why not, at least, take the information that we needed and _could_ get from him,” Dean told Cas, sounding proud of himself for having to explain something he thought was obvious to the angel.

"Oh... yes, you're right,” Cas realised, looking a bit surprised by the obviousness of it.

"I know, I know. I'm even perfect sometimes," Dean smiled at Cas, smugness so much present on his face that it was annoying.

"Anyway, I hope Sam and your father already found things on this haunted house so it'll be soon over." Cas announced, studying the streets they were passing by to reach to the motel.

"I hope so, because I sure as hell don't want to do research!" Dean complained like a real two year-old child.

"You never really want to do research though," Cas told Dean with a tender smile, looking at Dean's face.

" _Who_ would? Like seriously?!" Dean asked violently as if it was an important issue.

His only answer from Castiel was a struggle and discret smile. 

They arrived at the motel after about ten minutes of driving. Once there, they parked the Impala and walked to Sam and John's door to finally meet up with them and see what they discovered on their own. Ready to face John once again, but feeling like this day spent alone together was way too short.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and John do their part of the research, are awkward and talk about stuff. Series of disapproving!John continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not good at summaries either, but I hope you enjoy my chapter ♡ have fun

“I don't understand, I already talked to the police about my husband,” a thirty-something year old blonde said when Sam and John showed her their fake FBI batches. She had her hair tucked in a greasy knot and her eyes were sore red, it was obvious she hadn’t showered in days and her daily routine was probably sleeping till afternoon, eating ice-cream and crying. 

Sam couldn't help but feel sorry for her, so he said in his most sensitive tone: “I’m really sorry, Ma’am, it's not gonna take long, I promise.”

“Just routine questions,” grunted John.

Sam threw him an acidic stare that should've burned right through him, but John didn't even realize Sam was looking. The younger Winchester wanted to roll his eyes, but instead he switched back to the empathetic smile he wore religiously whenever he talked to one of a victim’s family members.

“Well, please come in,” the blonde sniffled and held open the door, which Sam answered with a smile and a nod. John just kept his half-frown.

“Ma’am, did your husband mention anything strange before his death?” Sam asked when he and John sat down on a flower-patterned couch that made a muffled sound of fabric being pressed together. 

“Maybe lights flickering, weird smells, anything strange at work,” John added with a face of pure tediousness. Sam could tell that looking at corpses with Dean would’ve been a lot more fun to the man than talking to crying ladies. Wherever John had forgotten his empathy, Sam just wished he could switch places with Dean.

The blonde grabbed a tissue from the mahogany coffee table in front of them and snorted violently into it. She wiped her eyes dramatically slow and pulled her reddened nose up to squish her face into a contemplating frown. “What, no, why should he?” she asked confusedly, “But my sisters were right, he shouldn't have worked for that company.” She blew another time in her tissue and murmured an apology that Sam just answered with a sympathetically crooked smile.

“What was wrong with the company?” John asked. He bent forward in his seat and placed his elbows on his knees, as if he was somehow interested in what the lady had to say. But the look on his face just stated _let's get over with this._

“Nothing,” the woman said, “It was about the construction site. They demolished that old haunted house,” - snivel -, “I know it sounds crazy, I wouldn't believe it at first, because, you know, my sisters are kind of… superstitious. But now… two men and… and my Jimmy…” That’s when she started to sob uncontrollably and before John could ask another question, Sam threw him a look that could've been lethal as cold as it was. John just grumbled, unnoticed by the woman to his luck.

“Thank you for your time, Ma’am,” Sam uttered quickly before he pressured his dad to leave, while John said some unintelligible good-bye-phrase and followed his son outside. He really seemed flustered by this new way, where he suddenly had to listen to orders from his children and not the other way around. And even though it was exhausting for Sam to have his dad back, it was refreshing to see how John failed to adjust. Of course Sam was still glad his father was with them again, but single sparks of schadenfreude every now and then were something the youngest Winchester could easily grant himself.

~~~

John and Sam found themselves in the town's library researching on the haunted house. Except for them and the librarian the place was mostly empty, and dusty, to say the least. The few bookshelves probably hadn't seen any cleaning in months and Sam could swear he'd seen a nest of spiders when looking for a book on town history. Yuck.

While John went through some newspaper articles of the last century, Sam did his research on his laptop, sipping a take-away coffee with too much sugar. 

"Hey dad, get this," the youngest Winchester exclaimed after half an hour of digitally crawling his way through dead links and web addresses, "I found some articles about the house."

John looked up from his papers and lurked over to the screen of Sam's laptop. He gave a muffled grunt as a sign for Sam to explain.

"Well," Sam said, "Back in the 50s a guy named Anthony Morrison lived in the house with his father. Anthony committed suicide in 1954. Strangled himself to death. Another article states his father died a few months later under unclear circumstances and the house was empty since," Sam did a slight gesture with his hands while talking, "Could be that he was killed by the spirit of his son too, they didn't seem to be the happiest family. It's even stated that he might've killed himself because of the dad. Seemed to be a strict guy, with a lot of military background. Basically kept his son on a leash."

John grimaced his face into a contemplating frown. "But if his unfinished business was taking revenge on his father... Shouldn't he be at rest now?" John wasn't wrong, but maybe there was more, Sam thought to himself.

"Who knows," Sam shrugged, "But I have the address of the cemetery where he was buried. I could meet up there with Dean and we burn the bones." Secretly Sam wished for his father to agree and go back to the motel. Being with John wasn't as bad as he first expected, but it wasn't all sugary either. He could use some time to breathe.

"Yeah sure," John murmured and Sam felt himself sighing in relief, fortunately unnoticed by his dad. "What about the father's corpse?"

"Cremated. So we don't have to check on him, I guess," Sam replied, taking a last sip of his cold coffee before crushing the paper cup and closing his laptop, "I should call Dean and tell him to meet me at the cemetery."

"Oh yeah, right, about Dean..." John frowned. “What's going on between Dean and this angel guy? Why do they act like _besties_?!" John spit out the word _besties_ with a disgust like it was holy water and he was a demon having his tongue burned.

"Because they _are_ besties,” - Sam said the word with mocking emphasis -, "Cas once said 'They share a more profound', and that describes it pretty well."

"What do you mean, **profound bond**?!" John exclaimed almost hysterically, but Sam didn't have more than a chuckle for his father's reaction.

“If you ask me, they got feelings for each other, but Dean would rather go to hell than admit that.”

"I didn't raise a gay son!” John replied with his hands in the air, but arching his eyebrow in disbelief was all Sam gave him.

"Yeah, but Cas gripped him tight and raised him from perdition, at least those were his words,” the younger Winchester answered.

“Raised him from perdition? What‘s that supposed to mean?”

Sam swallowed, he had almost said too much. John wasn't ready for any of this, he shouldn't know about Dean‘s trip to hell or Sam being in the cage with Lucifer, or about any of the things that had happened since John‘s death. Sam had to take more care about keeping his mouth shut.

“You ask me,” Sam said with a shrug of his shoulders, as if he didn't know himself, “When Castiel first came down here, his talking was kind of weird. Angels just have a strange way of communicating.”

John raised his eyebrows and contemplated for a moment. “So angels really are a thing, huh?”

Sam nodded, relieved that his dad finally seemed to trust them. “Yeah, we had a hard time believing that at first too. But Cas‘s an angel, no doubt. One of the nicer angels, they can be dicks.”

“Huh,” hummed John, “Well it's better to have a creature on your side than it trying to kill you, I guess.”

“You shouldn't call him that,” Sam frowned, “He really is our friend, a person, and not some kind of monster. Dean’s gonna be really pissed if you keep talking like that about Cas.” John chuckled as an answer, but it seemed only half amused, only John Winchester could laugh in such a serious manner.

“Yeah, I forgot, my son is apparently into blokes. Since when?! The Dean I know loved women!” John exclaimed. It seemed like he really couldn't believe one of his children to be homosexual, and even though Sam could've expected it, it still disappointed him. Dean would always be his brother, no matter if he was gay or bi or whatever, but that didn't seem to be John’s opinion. It saddened Sam.

“Yeah he does,” Sam said more pissed than he wanted it to sound, “He’s not gay. He’s bi.”

John furrowed his brows. “Bi? What’s that?”

“Really, dad?!” Sam almost couldn't believe the man’s blind ignorance, “Bisexuality, ever heard of that? Dean is into men and women.”

“Things like that don't exist,” John settled, “The guy should make up his mind. If he thinks he likes both he's just confused.”  
That was the point when Sam decided he wouldn't have any more of this shit. If his dad wanted to be this way, fine, but Sam was too goddamn tired of all the Winchester Brand™ arguments.

“Believe it or don't believe it, I don't care,” Sam exclaimed, “I don't wanna have this conversation right now, okay? Let's focus on the hunt again.”

John gave him a grunt that was more disapproving than anything, but Sam didn't care. The awkward silence between them was a lot better than a pointless discussion about his brother’s sexuality.

"Anyway," Sam changed the topic, because just another word about anything on that matter would've seriously made him throw up, "I'm gonna call Dean now. You can go to the motel if you like."

"Yeah gonna do that," John muttered and grabbed his leather jacket, and before Sam could even dial Dean's number, the man was out the door. He must've been just as sick of the awkwardness of the whole situation as Sam was, the younger Winchester reckoned, and after this conversation about Dean he probably didn't want to see either of his sons for a while.

"Hey Sammy, what d'you got?" a rough-voiced Dean asked over the speakers of his phone.

"I found out who's the spirit," Sam said rubbing his neck, sore from all the sitting and staring down his laptop.

"Yeah, a guy who committed suicide in that house, right?" Dean interrupted before Sam could say any more. Great, Dean already found it out himself, an hour of research into the trashcan. Sam only regretted that Dean couldn't see his bitch face right now.

"Exactly," Sam muttered, "I even got the cemetery where he's buried. I'll text you the address," he added, glad that he could at least say something Dean hadn't found out yet. 

"Sure. How's dad?" Dean wanted to know, answered by Sam's sigh through the phone.

"Pissed," Sam hummed annoyedly, "He went back to the motel. Are you there with Cas?"

"Yeah. Gonna leave Cas here then, to watch after dad," Dean decided and Sam could imagine his brother's frown. He was probably glancing at the angel and asked himself if he really wanted to leave him with John.

"You think that's a good idea? Leaving the two alone?" Sam questioned, not only because Cas and John weren't the best team to put together, but also to give Dean the opportunity to reconsider.

"Better than leaving either of them alone, don't you think?" Dean made certain, and Sam couldn't say much against that if Dean was determined.

"You're probably right. Okay, Dean, meet you at the cemetery." With those words Sam hung up and got his bag. He couldn't wait to do his favourite activity, digging up corpses, he thought sarcastically. Well, better than being awkward with John.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean announces to Cas that he has to watch after John while Sam and Dean go to the cemetery. Castiel and John have to stay at the motel, but tensions between them grow and kind of explode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John's a dick in this chapter by the way!

Dean was facing Castiel in front of the motel, trying to find a nice way to tell the angel that he'd have to stay with John. 

"Cas, I know you won't like it, but I need you to stay at the motel with my dad while Sam and I go burn ashes," Dean announced to Cas, staring at his eyes with seriousness. "I need you to do this for me, I really do,” Dean said to Cas pitifully since he knew staying alone at the motel with John was one of the last things Cas wanted to do.  
Hell, even Dean himself didn't want to do so. Thanks god it was poor Sam who had to spend an entire day with the old man, Dean thought.

Cas tilted his head in confusion at that, before hesitating and slowly ask, "But... why? I don't understand. Can't he stay on his own? Is it because you think I will bother you and Sam at the cemetery?"

Before Dean had the time to reassure Cas, the angel continued, "I won't be a burden to you or Sam! I've made progress at hunting, well except for talking to people. But this doesn't imply talking to people so I can help!", Cas almost exclaimed desperately, worried about why he couldn't come with Dean and Sam.

"Wow Cas! No! How can you believe I'd think something like that about you man? You're not a burden at all. I know you're not, and I also know you've made progress with hunting. I'm proud of you by the way!", Dean told Cas, trying to reassure the angel and feeling sorrowful that his friend would see himself as a burden.  
"That's not why I need you to stay with John. I need someone I trust to watch after him. And I know you'd rather do anything than stay alone with him, but I'm asking you because I really trust you with this, Cas. And don't worry, we'll be quick and back in no time!", he hunter promised Cas with a weak smile, aware that this would be unpleasant for him.

"It'd be quicker if I also come to help," the angel murmured sadly, looking at the ground.

Dean sighed and stepped closer to Cas, before raising a hand and putting it on his friend's right shoulder.  
"Cas, look at me," Dean asked Cas since the angel was keeping his eyes locked on the ground and wouldn't raise his head.

As Castiel obeyed and faced Dean, he was taken aback by beautiful bright blue eyes full of sadness.

 

"Just be quick," Cas ordered gloomily, leaving Dean before he even had the time to open his mouth.

~~~~

Dean sighed at the sight of his angel leaving, but didn't follow him. Cas could use some time alone.   
Well he wasn't really going to be alone since he went to Sam and John's room where John probably already was there, but it wasn't like he was going to talk to John for hours.   
He also looked kind of pissed when he left and Dean didn't want to have to deal with a pissed angel… okay, maybe he was a little afraid to deal with an angry Cas but he'd be dead before he'd say it out loud!

Instead of following the angel, Dean went to join Sam at the cemetery.  
Once arrived, he found his brother arms crossed across his chest, glaring at him for having taken too long apparently.  
 _Ungrateful brother, what if I followed Cas and talked to him before leaving? I didn't take that long to come here,_ Dean thought.

"Ready for a little of digging and burning Sammy?" Dean wiggled his right eyebrow at Sam in an attempt not to let his younger brother see how upset he was because of Cas’s reaction.  
Sam didn't answer but just glanced at Dean with a bitch face and stepped closer to Dean.

"Where's Cas? Is he at the motel?" Sam asked looking at Dean's face questioningly.

“He's in your room with dad. Probably,” Dean answered uncomfortably, avoiding Sam's eyes.

Sam frowned a bit at his brother with a mixture of worry and concern. It was clear that the angel didn't take the news, that he'd have to stay with John alone, _that well._ And by not that well, he meant _really_ not that well, especially according to Dean's face, which looked like someone had destroyed his _Baby_ while he watched powerlessly.

"Did you guys fight again?" he asked, willing to help Dean if he has problems with Cas because it was already going to be hard to live with John again without adding daily married couple's fights between Dean and Cas.

"I don't know... not really," Dean muttered, rubbing the nape of his neck.   
“Not so well, but better than what I thought, although I think Cas's a bit pissed at me,” Dean sighed.  
"But anyway, it's no big deal. Let's just burn the kid's body and go back to the motel before dad and Cas kill each other," the older hunter tried to joke but it sounded way too possible to be a joke Dean thought after a moment and from Sam's face, he wasn't the only one who thought that.

 

~~~~

When Castiel entered John and Sam's room, the older Winchester was on one of the beds, leaning to the headboard, going through his old journal, a beer in his right hand.  
At the sound of the door being opened, John Winchester looked up from his journal and automatically glared at the angel, who seemed to ignore his presence and directly go to the TV.  
He turned it on, put a cartoon's channel, sat on the edge of the bed facing the TV and watched it with a far too serious face to John's taste.

The sight of Castiel made John really uncomfortable. The Winchester stared at Castiel, teeth clenched.  
 _He looked like a creep sitting on the edge of the bed, watching the telly as if it was some maths problem! And what's going on with the stupid trench coat? Are all angels this awkward or is this one an exception? ... I bet this one does it on purpose to make me feel uncomfortable! It wouldn't be surprising!_

At some point, Castiel sighed and rolled his eyes.   
"Angels can read minds by the way," he simply said, not turning his gaze from the TV.

John took a moment to understand what these words implied. When he did, horror started to cover his face.  
“And it's only now that you're telling me that?!” John barked at Castiel, putting his journal aside and to stand up, rage escaping from his body.

Castiel just casually shrugged his shoulders. If Dean wanted him to watch after his father he could do it, but he never mentioned being nice to him too, Castiel thought with a smug smile.   
“It seemed like the moment to tell you since you were asking yourself questions about myself and looked like you weren't aware of this fact,” Cas said, clearly taunting John, turning his eyes from the TV to look at him in the eyes with a mean superior smile.

Clearly, John wasn't finding the situation as funny and entertaining as Castiel found it. The Winchester was closer to punch Cas in the face than to laugh and smile with him.  
But as Castiel couldn't care less what John thought or felt, he found himself quite eager to push the father to his limits.  
He didn't want to stay with him but had to, so why not making it funny, the angel thought.

John rushed at Cas, glaring at him so darkly that fortunately his eyes weren't guns because otherwise they would have shot the angel.  
"Quit smiling like you're a smartass, you useless creature!" John spited at Castiel, glaring at him, still casually sitting on the bed and watching the telly with a condescending eyebrow raised.

Castiel tried to keep a neutral facade but what John just said hurt him more than he would like to admit. It reminded him of his conversation with Dean and how _useless_ he felt. How _useless_ he felt when he became human, how _useless_ he felt when Dean had the mark of Cain, or even how _useless_ he felt when he said yes to Lucifer and let the archangel possess him.

"’ _Useless_ ," Cas murmured, frowning sadly but trying not to let John see it.

In order not to feel sadness, Castiel focused on one emotion, anger.  
Anger started to grow in him the farther thoughts came to him. 

John puffed at Castiel, glad his words seemed to have touched, at least a bit, the angel.

All of a sudden, Castiel stood up from the bed, standing in front of John, a twist of anger stuck on his face.

"Take that back!" he groaned, his usually low voice, lower and darker than normal making him sound threatening.

"What? You think you're all scary?" John laughed, unaware of the danger he was putting himself in by provoking Castiel.  
"What are you gonna do if I don't take it back, _useless creature_? You're gonna hurt me? Try, I bet it'll be cute, I'll even let you hit the first time," John bragged, stepping even closer to Cas.

"You _really_ have no idea who you're talking to," Castiel announced deadly, tilting his head and looking at John with disbelief at the human’s either courage or complete and absolute stupidity.

"You overrate yourself, you know," John said confidently, looking up and down Castiel with arrogance.

Castiel closed his eyes and focused on his breathing to calm himself and clenched his fists.  
"Don't..." Cas warned coldly. "You don't want me to be angry, trust me," he insisted.

_How can Dean be attracted to this useless weirdo? He's not even human, it's a creature! How can the boys be "friends" with it? It's almost worse than being friends with a vampire or something like!_ , John thought hatefully.

"I don't understand, how can Sam and Dean _stand_ your presence. It's clear to me that you're a valueless coward!" John snarled.

During a moment, John thought the angel didn't hear him. Then, Castiel, whose face was looking down, slowly raised his eyes glowing in an unnatural bright blue.

At this sight, John stepped back a bit, taken aback and reminded that he was facing an angel, with power, a creature way more powerful than him.

Before the first punch, John regretted putting himself into this situation and having provoked Castiel.  
After three punches, he was already bloody, ears ringing painfully and his nose was _definitely_ broken.  
Then he lost consciousness with the thought that in the future he'd never ever provoke any angel anymore.

~~~~

The angel felt like he blacked out under his anger. When he looked down at the bloody John Winchester at his feet, he realised, too late, that he had made a mistake.

Cas was panting, his hands bloody, covered with John Winchester's blood.  
Cas took a few steps back from John to pull himself together.

_Dean and Sam would be so mad at him when they found out!_   
Castiel was at the summum of panic. Fortunately for him, he kept his mind and thought about a solution to this horrific situation.  
Thanking his angel powers, Castiel raised a finger and touched John's face with it, healing him and erasing any proof of their fight.

_What if John tells Sam and Dean? Dean would never forgive him! He asked to watch over John, not to beat the hell out of him!_  
Those were the last thoughts of the angel before disappearing from the motel.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas contemplates about what he's done and the Winchesters hunt some ghost. So pretty much like the real Supernatural. Enjoy!!

Castiel sighed into the cold parking lot’s air. Regret and the thought of a disappointed Dean clenched his chest into an unbearable ache Cas just wanted to cry out – and he would’ve, had he been alone. At times like this he missed his ability to fly and if he was being honest, he had missed it ever since John was back from the dead. How many times would he have fled the scene if he could have? He probably wouldn’t be here anymore anyway.

He had made a mistake.

He had felt so strong in front of John, but now all he felt was regret and vulnerability. And of course, his own stupidity.

Damn Dean and his stupid trust, the angel thought with a clench of his fists at his sides. He forced himself to breathe steadily, but the knot in his throat made that almost unachievable. In this very moment he felt so weirdly human and so vulnerable that a trace of bodily fluids filled the eyes and nose of his vessel, his cheeks flooding with hot redness. He was so unbelievably stupid.

Castiel was certain of what he felt for Dean. He knew exactly why he reacted this way, understood his own actions towards John in every way and from every angle. He had spent enough time reflecting on the inevitable human nature that came with possessing a vessel, his own vessel in particular. A vessel that wasn’t inhabited by another soul anymore ever since it was put together again after being atomized by Lucifer. An event that seemed so far away now that it could’ve been in another life. And in a way, it was. Anyway, the vessel Castiel possessed was his own, it wasn't Jimmy Novak anymore. Those feelings were his own, not something a human buried deep inside his body felt. His feelings. _His._

It was all because of Dean, always had been. Back when he had grabbed Dean and raised him from hell, he had felt it too. He didn’t understand it then, but that was ages ago and time had made everything clear to him. Every decision he had made up until this point, it was all because of Dean, the most _human_ human, at least to Castiel in a way. To the angel, Dean was the embodiment of everything that was beautiful about humanity, all the struggle, all the defeat, but also all the hope and dreams and love and deep, pure human desire.

Looking at Dean was like looking into the sun, it hurt so much and was so beautiful at the same time that if Castiel was just another inch more human himself, he would’ve been overwhelmed into shedding silent tears in front of the older Winchester brother. But Cas didn’t. To his luck, he wasn't human and his feelings weren’t as petrifyingly pure anymore as when he had lacked his grace. As an angel, food was just molecules and feelings were just something clogging his throat and forcing him to obey, but at least he wasn’t stunned to the point of immovability. Feeling less was a blessing.

For the very same reason even the thought of John made his blood boil with rage. Every ignorant statement leaving the man’s _cakehole_ was an insult to Dean’s beautiful humaneness and Castiel couldn’t stand anyone ordering Dean around like that. And all the stories about the Winchester brothers‘ horrible childhood Castiel had heard and learned to know like the psalms back in heaven made it impossible to look at the guy without clenching his teeth and fists in anger and clenching his heart and throat in agonizing sadness.

_I love you, Dean._

How many times had he thought these words, whispered them quietly and for the human unable to hear, recited them in Enochian, cried them out in the isolation of empty woods without a human soul within miles of reach? He had lost count. 

But Castiel _wasn't worthy_. He didn’t deserve the love of a human being, not the love of one as beautiful as Dean. That was another thing John reminded him of. Castiel wasn’t human, he was _a creature_. It made him curse his grace, curse his power, curse the wings he was born with. He wanted to be washed off of his sins, wanted to be human so badly his body felt like cement when he thought about it.

Castiel wasn’t worthy and he wasn’t wanted either. How many times had Dean reminded him of personal space? Cas remembered each down to the exact second in the history of earth time it was said. Even though he acted like he wouldn’t remember so often, he hadn’t forgotten any of it. He tried to challenge this stupid personal space whenever he could. It wasn't his fault though, he just had to. He obeyed the dire need that throbbed inside his head against his skull, let his heart beat hot and fast, and turned his legs into wobbly jello. And Dean didn’t mind as much anymore as in the beginning, at least that’s what Castiel assumed. He had barely ever tried to read the human’s mind, afraid of the answers he would find and didn’t want to know. But being able to be close to Dean felt so good, it was almost an achievement to Castiel every second he could enjoy it. Still, Dean would still mind and still tell him, and it would still sting like a burning hot needle penetrating the muscle fibres of his heart, every time he was reminded of his unworthiness. He wanted to cry, wanted to fall down on his knees, but he wouldn’t. He would just swallow and act clumsy, so Dean would never even sense a trace of Cas‘ torturing feelings. Castiel would never let him know.

A faint sob escaped his trembling lower lip before Castiel smeared the back of his hand over his face to hide where stinging tears had painted valleys that felt like burning scars way deeper than a human eye could see. Dean would be disappointed. Hell, he would be furious. Beating his father, almost killing him in blind rage? It didn’t matter Castiel had healed him, his acts were unforgivable. The only thing left to do for Cas was to disappear.

~~~

“Your angel is gone,“ John declared with a rough voice over his phone. After taking those hits from Castiel, a strangely purifying clarity had rolled over John’s mind. It was a weird thing to be reminded of a creature’s strength like that, but at the same time it had cleared some of their differences. If John had tried to describe his feelings, it would've been almost impossible. All he knew was that now he didn't feel anger anymore, and in a way he had deserved the angel’s punches. He had been a jerk, that much was certain. Anyway, he would’ve rather died than apologized, after all he’d been the one covered in his own blood, but he was alive. Castiel had healed him, and that said a lot not only about what kind of person the angel was, but also about his relationship towards the Winchesters.

“ _What_?!“ an enraged Dean exclaimed through the speakers. At least John wished for it to be rage, but it sounded more like an uneasy concern that probably counted for the angel guy being gone rather than for John.

“Yeah, he left after he gave me one hell of a beating,” John growled and absentmindedly rubbed some places where he’d been injured, but where not even the trace of a scar was noticeable now.

“You fought? Is he injured?!” Dean wanted to know, his voice rising from mild concern to throbbing of real terror.

_Huh, he wants to know if the creature… if Castiel is injured, not if I am_ , John thought to himself. He couldn't really tell if Dean had enough trust in his father to know he was alright or if he just cared more about the angel than for his own dad. John assumed it was the latter, and for some weird reason that really got him thinking. He knew his son - or rather this older version of his son - enough to tell that Dean still loved him, despite their differences. But well, he really loved that angel a lot more, which reminded John of his conversation with Sam. No, he still didn't want a gay son, and he sure as hell didn't want an angel as son-in-law, but if Dean’s feelings were so strong… And John could only see the obvious part. Dean had always been good at hiding his feelings, and that meant what John could see was just the tip of the iceberg. That was no crush, it really was a _profound bond_. John almost cursed.

“No, not literally, son,” John lied, “I meant he took it out on me _verbally_. He was really furious at me for some reason, I don't wanna know what you and Sam told him about me.” John could hear Dean sigh in relief over the phone and he could well imagine how Dean’s whole posture must’ve been relaxing at his words. God, did he care about that angel.

John decided the thing between the angel and him was nothing his sons had to be involved in. They had both been angry, they both had said stupid things to provoke each other and it had ended the way it had to - bloody. John would manage the issue himself, no reason to blow unnecessary steam. He didn’t plan to apologize, but he knew him and Castiel would be on better terms now. And besides, if the angel had wanted to kill him, he could've easily done so. But he didn't, no, he even healed John afterwards. And he surely didn't do it for John’s sake. No, the angel seemed to really care about what Dean thought, or he would’ve just left John in his pathetic state. John sighed desperately, now he understood what Sam had been talking about. Those two were _really close_.

“But I think he regrets some things he said,” John added and clenched internally at his own lies. He fucking _encouraged_ what Dean was doing. Full homo - or bi, whatever - and John was encouraging it. Fuck, times had changed. 

“We should search for him later. How did the bones burning go?” He changed the topic, unable to speak another word about the angel. He closed his eyes and wiped his palm across his face, suppressing another sigh of defeat.

“Hm okay,” Dean grunted disapprovingly, but calmed nevertheless, “Yeah, ‘s done. I guess Sam and I will check if the spirit’s really gone for good, now that it's night and the construction site’s probably empty. Just to make sure.”

“Okay, you’ll handle it?” John asked and already counted in mind what he needed if the spirit was still there. Salt shotgun, iron crowbar, his lighter…

“Yeah we will, you stay in your room, okay dad? See you later,” Dean grumbled and immediately hung up. Well, his son certainly was in a good mood now, John observed sarcastically.

~~~

“Cas said the victims reminded him of me, honestly can you believe it?” Dean snorted when he let the Impala’s door fall shut behind him. Sam just rolled his eyes.

“Can you shut up about Cas for a sec, Dean? I know you miss him, but we're gonna look for him right after this, okay?” Sam grunted and opened the trunk to get himself a shotgun and some ammo filled with salt. He tossed Dean the EMF, suddenly thinking that his day with John hadn't been _that bad_ , at least compared to an anxious Dean who couldn't shut up about his boyfriend. Sam understood that Dean was concerned, Sam was worried about Cas too, but Dean hadn't spent a minute without saying something about the angel since his phone call with John. He probably assumed Sam couldn't sense how worried he really was, but Dean’s poker face wasn't as good as he thought, and Sam knew exactly how his brother could be when something was wrong with Cas. God, how could he be such a protective husband without Cas noticing? 

Sam contemplated if he should just scream “CAS LOVES YOU TOO, OKAY?!”, but decided to stay quiet instead.

“I… That wasn't what I meant,” Dean pouted at him, but Sam really hadn't the nerves left to act like he couldn't see each and every of Dean’s words dribbling with both love and concern for the angel.

“And he has a point, you know?” Sam tried to get back to the other topic, “You really do fit the victims’ profile. Dark blond, tall, healthy, in your thirties… Haven't seen the bodies myself, but I bet their faces look similar to yours, too. If the ghost still is here, you’d be a perfect lure.”

Dean swallowed. “So you think I’m in danger?”

“Dean, we burned the bones, remember? This is just to make sure,” Sam said when they entered the unfinished doorframe of the construction site, “And even if,” Sam raised his shotgun to prove his point. Dean nodded. The man hunted ghosts daily and suddenly had concerns? Cas being gone really messed with Dean’s head, Sam thought.

Dean turned on the EMF and started scanning the unplastered cement walls while Sam looked around.

“And dunno Dean, a father with military background keeping his son on a leash? Sounds like you and dad if you ask me,” Sam implied at his frowning brother.

“What sounds like Dean and me?” John’s rough voice came from another room and the oldest Winchester poked his head through a door, much to his sons’ surprise.

“Dad, I told you we’d handle it. You should've stayed at the motel,” Dean snarled in a peeved tone. Sam could see his brother clenching his teeth, he really wasn't in the best of moods.

John breathed out annoyedly, but Sam could tell he only tried to keep it together. He didn’t want another Winchester Brand™ fight and could probably tell Dean was just on edge because of Cas, and Sam internally thanked his dad for being the mature one for once.

“Didn’t want to bore myself in that motel room,” John said, “Thought I’d be a better help here. Anyway, you two didn't do the best job with killing that spirit,” he grunted and held up his EMF. The small lamps fluctuated in bright red colours, showing a certain presence of ghost energy.

“What?!” Sam exclaimed, “We burned the bones properly! It should've been gone!”

“Well, it isn't,” John replied in a grunt.

“Guys!” Dean suddenly interrupted as Sam felt a pull on his shotgun, throwing the gun across the room and letting it hit the wall out of reach for any of the Winchesters. John’s first instinct was to make a jump for it, but before he could even grab the weapon he was pushed to the wall by the force of a more than pissed spirit.

Sam felt unable to move, his limbs like frozen. Even if he wanted, the spirit had him in his grip and all he could do was watch how Dean got down on his knees, hands pressed to his throat and choking for air. Red streams painted themselves against the skin of Dean’s neck as the older Winchester brother tried to reach for the gun on the ground while suffocating gasps left his mouth. 

That was it. That was how Dean would die.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Sam watch helplessly as Dean is strangled to death by the spirit in the construction site, when Castiel, our beloved angel in a gorgeous trenchcoat, appears and saves the day.  
> Then when everyone goes back to the motel, Dean and Cas have a conversation and something might happen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know guys... it's been something like a week of waiting for this chapter ^^'  
> So sorry BUT there are some Destiel moments there so I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and forget about the waiting!
> 
> Al

_That was it. That was how Dean would die._

 

'Really? A basic spirit hunt? That's how Dean Winchester will die? After all the shits that happened? Hell? The apocalypse? Lucifer? The freaking mark of Cain? God and his freaking sister? After surviving all of that, a vulgar _spirit_ hunt will kill _me_?', Dean thought, as his vision blackened and his throat burned

What. A. Shame!

Dean heard voices shouting.  
Sammy and John powerlessly yelling.

´At least I'll leave with my family by my sides. Sam and dad... but not Cas...´

~~~~

John and Sam felt powerless, it was the worst moment in their lives.  
Watching one of your sons or your older brother being strangled to death just in front of you without being able to do anything.  
_Any single thing!_

 

Sam would exchange their place for anything in the world right now. Tears were already covering his face. He didn't even realise he was crying before now. He felt his chest hurt so much that breathing was painful. But at least he _could_ breath, not like Dean right in front of him.  
He wanted to move, to jump to his gun filled with salt bullets that was 15 feet away from him, but he was held by the ghost's powerful force.  
He wanted to do something to avoid the unavoidable that was happening right now.  
But he couldn't do anything!  
He was useless, powerless, preposterous, a joke.

John was frozen with horror, he was back from the dead for less than a few days and he was seeing his older son dying in front of him. The son he sold his soul _and the Colt_ to save his life.  
He was his father, he should be able to save him from a god damn stupid spirit and not being blocked by horror and by the spirit's force.  
He should be doing something, _anything_. But he couldn't...

All of a sudden, a high pitched scream pierced everyone's ears and Dean fell on the floor, gasping for air half conscious. 

Sam and John saw the ghost materialising before them, scratching at his chest which was burning. It was the father, the ghost was a man around his fifties, he was definitely the father of the kid who died.

As he burned and disintegrated, they heard a thud and Castiel appeared standing behind the ghost.

Apparently, he was the one who found the father's remains and burned them in a perfect timing.

The angel let go of the lighter he was holding and rushed to Dean, who was still on the floor lying on his side, struggling to breath but still breathing weakly.

Cas dropped and took Dean's face in his hands, gently resting it on his lap.  
Dean slowly opened his eyes with difficulty.  
At the sight of the hunter's eyes, Cas's face darkened. The bright and strong usual green eyes of Dean were red and glassy, half opened due to the hunter's weak state.

"Hey, Cas... good to... finally… see you... angel," Dean coughed and struggled to speak, his voice rasping raw and weak, leaving a grimace of pain on his face. Even though it hurt to speak, Dean tried to smile at Cas to reassure him, since the angel looked heartbroken.  
"What’s with the grim face, Cas? I look that much like shit?" Dean tried to joke but speaking was excruciating, so he ended with a little grunt of pain and a cough.

Castiel puffed at the joke attempt and smiled a bit but his eyes were filled with sorrow.  
"You've definitely had better days," Cas whispered, his eyes sadly dropping on Dean's neck which was starting to be covered with bruises.  
"I told you I improved as a hunter by the way," Cas gently added with a sad smile, cupping Dean's face in a loving way with one hand.

At this, Dean attempted to laugh but his laugh stopped in his throat, and he broke in a couple of painful coughs.

"Let me take care of this Dean," Cas told Dean, raising his left hand and putting it on Dean's forehead and slowly going down to his neck, more caressing Dean's skin than just touching him.  
Dean closed his eyes at the gentle and lovely contact, healing him.

Once Cas finished to heal him, the angel let one of his hand in Dean's hair, waiting for him to show that he was alright now.  
Dean opened his eyes and left a released breath, before smiling at Cas, and with the help of the angel, tried to stand up from the floor.

"Thanks Cas," the hunter breathed after clearing his voice, staring at the angel's blue eyes.

A large form suddenly rushed to Dean and two big and strong arms hugged him. The older Winchester brother immediately recognised his little brother and hugged him back.  
Sam was clenching at Dean like he couldn't believe that he was still alive. He was shaking, his head was on Dean's shoulder, tears of relief dropping on his brother's jacket.

"Dean! I-I thought-" Sam started, his voice cracking under the emotion. Dean held Sam even closer, patting his back to console him.

"I know, I know Sammy. But I'm okay now. I'm okay," Dean reassured his brother, after letting go of him, both of his hands on Sammy's shoulders and looking him right in the eyes.

Sam nodded and smiled through tears, then wiped his face. He turned to Castiel and hugged him too, surprising the angel.  
Cas hugged back with hesitation, questioning Dean with his eyes but since Dean was smiling at him and Sam, he lessened his concern frowning and smiled.

"Thank you Cas, thank you so much!" Sam praised Castiel with gratitude.

Castiel didn't answer, he just kept smiling and shrugged, feeling unsure of what he could say since from his point of view, what he did was kind of selfish.  
If he saved Dean, it was because he hadn't had another choice to do so. He couldn't live without the Winchester brothers, he couldn't live without Sam and Dean, especially without _Dean_.

Without Dean, life was pointless and worthless.  
Without Dean, life was just a word.

 

~~~~

As Sam and Cas pulled away from each other, John took the occasion to come closer to Dean and put his hand on his older son’s shoulder to show that he was glad Dean was alive.  
Dean awkwardly smiled at his father, now realising that the little moment he had with Cas, actually had happened in front of Sam and _John_.

Then, as Sam's curiosity apparently couldn't last longer, the taller Winchester asked to the angel, “Cas, how did you find out that it's was the father that was the ghost and not the son?”

Cas tilted his head, as always, in confusion as to why the Winchesters didn't find out themselves, but still answered.  
“Well, I thought about the hunt and it seemed illogical that the spirit responsible for the deaths on the construction site was the son. He had no reason to do something like that. However, the father _was_ responsible for his son’s death and the victims profile matched the son’s, so it was obvious that the spirit of the father was the one haunting the site. And since the site was haunted, the remains had to be there. So I found them in the basement and burned them,” Castiel explained with a little bit of pride that for once he was the one saving people and not screwing things up.

“Cas, you smartass! I'm glad you figured this out!” Dean exclaimed joyfully, tapping Castiel on the shoulder in a definitely too friendly way for it not to be suspicious making Sam frown at Dean.

 

The sound of someone clearing their throat suddenly echoed in the place and all the eyes switched to John, who was the source of the noise. 

Since Castiel joined Dean on the floor and saved all of them, the Winchester father had felt like he didn't fit or belong to this world.  
He may have been a total dick to that creat- to _Castiel_ at the beginning but now he regretted that. And not just because he saved everyone's life tonight, but because when he kneeled on the floor and healed Dean, he saw how much the angel cared about his boys. How much _Dean_ meant to him. The angel's eyes held so much pain and distress when he noticed the older Winchester brother. And when Castiel held Dean's face and talked to him, the angel's love for the hunter was so obvious that even John had to oblige and accept the fact that he would never be able to do anything against it. This love was so sincere that John couldn't have said a single word to interrupt their moment even if he wanted to. It felt so powerful, honest and true that Dean being gay or bi, as Sam said, didn't matter anymore.  
The way Castiel's eyes lightened up at Dean's words said everything that had to said.  
Castiel _belonged_ beside Sam and Dean.  
Castiel _belonged_ beside Dean.

But even though John knew he accepted it now, he couldn't help but fear that it'd make both his son and his angel naive and more vulnerable in this world.

As all eyes turned to look at him, John tried to appear confident.  
"Are you all planning to spend the night here or what? Let's go back to the motel because I don't know about you but I'm exhausted," the father asked before starting to walk toward the door, not waiting for an answer from anyone.

Sam shrugged and followed his father, without saying anything. Cas and Dean looked at each other, as if just realising they weren't alone since the beginning, a light blush traveled through their faces and they avoided each other's eyes, feeling suddenly shy.

~~~~

In the Impala, the atmosphere felt kind of weird for Sam since Dean let his father take the driver's seat and drive so John wouldn't be in the the back with Cas. Dean thought it would be for the best to stay with Cas, _the guy left their father in the motel for a reason, they had some kind of fight, so sitting in the back together wouldn't be great_ , the hunter's thoughts.  
It was the first time everyone of them, Castiel included, was in the same car at the same time and anyone could feel that.  
_Even Cas who was like the sensei of awkwardness looked like he'd sell anything not to be in the car. Hell, Sammy looked like he ate a lemon too with his weird face twisted like that and avoiding eye contact with everyone._  
Castiel was watching Dean out of the corner of his eyes, as the blond hunter casually pressed against him at each turn Baby took. Dean couldn't help but want to be close to the angel, he didn't know why, maybe it was because he almost died a few minutes ago. Nevertheless, he liked the feeling of resting his body against Castiel, he felt safe, _at home._ The older Winchester brother tried to act it subtly, or at least that's what he thought he was doing, but he wasn't fooling anyone in the car but Castiel who was too obvious to notice anything.

John, on the contrary, looked quite relaxed, riding his old Chevy with his both sons alive seemed to make him content. 

Thankfully, the ride was short since the construction site was close to the motel they were staying at. 

Once arrived, all four men got out of the car in silence and splitted up to their rooms.

As Sam and John left to theirs, Dean and Cas went to their room in silence.

When both angel and hunter entered their shared hotel room and Dean closed the door, the air suddenly charged itself with hesitation and shyness for some reason.  
Dean immediately walked to the honorable bar and picked up a beer from it to have something to do.

Castiel didn't pay attention to what the blond hunter was doing and sat on one of the beds, while self hugging himself, his face looking down and sorrowful.

At the sight of Castiel hugging himself, arms looking like they were the only thing supporting the angel in this world, Dean abandoned his beer and joined his friend, sitting next to him on the bed, before asking with a concerned face and a soft voice, as if afraid his voice would hurt Castiel, "Cas, you okay buddy?"

Castiel hesitantly looked up, eyes filled with fear and anxiety.

"I-I'm sorry Dean. You told me-asked me to do something and I didn't. I had one thing to do and once again I failed. You begged me to stay with your father and I managed to both leave him and beat him up, before running away like a coward," Cas blurted out miserably, his face ashen, clearly thinking that John already told his sons what happened between him and Castiel and that Dean would never forgive him and finally realise how useless he is and leave him _forever._

 

"Hey! Cas, it's noth-wait what? Beat up? What are you talking about? You beat up John? B-but he told me you word fought, not actually fought!" Dean exclaimed in belief with wide eyes, but also glimpses of pride in his voice that his father hid the fact that Castiel beat him up which obviously meant that it was pretty bad. John must have said nothing because he was too proud. 

At Dean's words, Castiel's eyes widened with horror, "H-he didn't tell you? I-I swear Dean I tried I didn't mean to! I tried to stay stoic and ignore him but I couldn't help it. He's just... I-I'm sorry Dean. I'd understand that you don't want to see me anymore. I'm not of any use and I make things even worse. If I can't even stay in a room with your father without incident then I can't help you or Sam with other things," Castiel almost sobbed his last words with so much loathsome that Dean's face cracked under a excruciating face, feeling all the pain and hatred that Castiel's words implied.

The regretful angel started to stand up but Dean immediately slid an arm around him, making standing up impossible. Then he pulled Castiel closer to him in a slide hug, while reassuring him.  
"Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad at you and you're not useless! You hear me Cas? Where did you get that idea? You, you mean so much, I couldn't tell how much you mean! Hey! You saved my life tonight, see you're fucking useful! And it doesn't even matter if you're useful or not, it means nothing to me. If I want you by my side, it's for **you** and not for any use that you could be. You know that right? After all of the shits we've been through, I couldn't even _think_ about leaving you. You're stuck with me forever Cas." Dean told Castiel, honesty and sincerity making his voice shaky.  
"Hey, look at Sam. He's useless as shit and he's still here!" Dean tried to joke, in an attempt to make Cas laugh, but he only managed to make him slightly smile at the poor joke.

"So don't you dare think that I'd abandon you okay? I'd never do that! **Never**!" Dean added

"Hey look at me," Dean said to Castiel with a soft voice, his hand reaching for Castiel's cheek and rested there.

As Castiel's bright blue eyes met Dean's green ones, the hunter felt at ease and couldn't stop looking at those blue orbs. Under the hunter's intense gaze, Castiel blushed a bit, and nervously licked his lips. At this this, green eyes slid to Castiel's lips and after swallowing, Dean mimicked Castiel and licked his lips as well.

Castiel was looking at Dean with wide eyes, parted lips and a slight blush covering his cheeks, as Dean couldn't help but stare at the angel's lips and slowly move his face closer to him, as if attracted by a magnet.  
When Dean got so close to Cas that their noses touched, the hunter glanced at Cas's eyes once more.  
Dean was overwhelmed by what he felt right now, Castiel looked so attractive with his wide bright blue eyes and this cute little blush covering his cheeks. He didn't what was happening, but what he knew was that he had a sudden _need_ to kiss Cas.

Dean-" Castiel said with a low voice, Castiel didn't even know what he wanted to tell Dean but before he could finish to talk, Dean rushed to Cas's lips and he was kissing him.

At first, Dean was just awkwardly pressing his lips to Castiel's, waiting for the angel to react and do something to show that what he was doing was okay. Then, Castiel kissed back and put one of his hand on Dean's right shoulder. Dean's hand, which was on Cas's cheek for a moment now, moved and caressed his cheekbone shyly.  
The kiss was chaste and timid, it was sweet and sincere, both angel and hunter felt like on a cloud of happiness.  
Then, Cas slightly moaned as he pressed himself closer to Dean and all of the sudden, Dean pulled out of the kiss and stood up, panting and looking at Cas his horror.

"I-I... Fuck Cas! Sorry! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what I was thinking... w-we should go to sleep," Dean stammered, while rubbing the nape of his neck, nervousness and regrets covering his face.

It took a moment before Castiel realised what happened in so little time, but Dean went to his bed and lay down, turning his back to Cas, he reacted and open his mouth to speak.

"You don't have to apologise Dean, it was quite pleasant," Cas said, slowly and hesitated before adding in a murmur,  
"I wouldn't mind doing that again." 

After saying that, he glanced at Dean's back, but the hunter didn't move, so the angel sighed and lay down on his bed as well, not to sleep of course but to pass the time.

Of course, Dean heard everything Castiel said, but he was so petrified by what just happened that he couldn't think about anything to do or think. He didn't know what it meant. Yes, he loved Cas but as family... But then again, you don't kiss family members like he just did. And he wasn't gay, so how can he be attracted to Cas? And Cas was just Cas, a little child with super angel mojo. Fuck! Cas IS an angel, and angel and human sure can't be together, maybe Cas will be in trouble! What if he get into trouble because of that? Ugh! _Why did this happened? What went through my head?! Why do his lips have to look so kissable? Kissable? What is going on with meee?_

Dean pressed his eyes loaded and tried to think of nothing but failed. Every time he closed his eyes, he'd see big bright innocent blue eyes and think about a kiss that lasted not long enough for him.

_Great, seems like I'm gonna spend the night overthinking and not sleeping at all. Yayyy!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally some smut! More or less realistic first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy my smut and hopefully you don't cringe too much at it. Have fun! ♡

Of course Dean couldn’t sleep that night. He turned in his bed on an infinite search for the most comfortable position, but he soon realized that not the position but his troubling thoughts contributed to his insomnia. Honestly, how should he even find a minute of closed eyes with the angel mere centimeters away from him? Dean knew Cas wasn't sleeping, he rarely ever did, after all he didn’t need to. Sure, his vessel got tired, but Dean guessed Cas could wish that away the same way he could easily heal broken bones. He was probably staring at the ceiling, thinking about bees or something.

Dean pretended to be asleep. If Cas knew he was awake, there would’ve been a lot of awkwardness. Dean didn’t even know what he should say. Sorry for kissing you? Sorry for not knowing whether I liked it? I can't sleep, let's make out? The last option didn't even sound so bad, but would’ve been the most stupid thing to say. If he already couldn’t make up his mind, doing something like that would just make things worse.

Dean couldn’t help but to continue that thought though. There was something about Cas, about his pale pink, beautiful lips that made him so _soo_ kissable and Dean just wished to leave every doubt behind and give in to the desire to have Cas right then and there. Would things ever be the same again? Would they ever look at each other in the same way again, without one of them flinching and looking away with red cheeks? Oh god, Cas with a beautifully cute, pinkish blush all across that face of his, making him look all embarrassed and sheepishly shy… That actually wasn't all that bad, now that Dean thought about it. Sure, their friendship wouldn’t be the same, but maybe things could be even better, regardless whether they started something more serious.

“You’re not asleep, are you, Dean?“ Cas asked into the cold silence of their dark motel room. Dean swallowed.

“No,“ he replied after some moments of keeping quiet, when Cas probably already thought there wouldn't be an answer. Dean asked himself if he should've just said nothing instead.

“Huh,“ Cas hummed in return.

Silence.

“I’ve been thinking,“ Dean said.

Silence.

“About what?“ Cas wanted to know. Yeah, about what? About kissing your beautiful lips and about your cheeks being flushed in a cute pinkish shade and if we should make out. But that wasn’t something Dean could actually say. Heck, that was something he shouldn’t even be thinking, because first of all, Cas was his best friend and a guy and Dean was _definitely not_ into men. And second, Cas was not human, he was an angel that was millions of years older than him and that was probably way too much of an age gap.

Instead Dean just didn’t answer.

“Did you make up your mind yet?“ Cas asked and Dean could hear the echo of the angel’s audible swallow against the silent motel room walls. Cas was probably just as nervous as him and in a way that was reassuring. If a centuries-old, celestial being could be uneasy about something as stupid as may or may not requited love, then Dean was certainly allowed to feel nervous, too.

“Not really, no,” Dean muttered.

“Do you want to try?” Dean almost choked at Cas’ question. God, did the angel want him to have a heart attack? But no, that was probably an innocent question and not what Dean was thinking about.

“Try what?” Dean swallowed, digging his hands into the mattress.

“I don't know. Kissing again?” Dean could hear Cas breathe out nervously, “Sex?”

Silence.

“Uhm,” Dean didn't know what to say. Yes? Definitely? One hundred percent?

“Do you want to?” he asked instead, eyes fixed on the ceiling and never facing Cas, who was probably doing just the same.

“I don't know, Dean,” Cas admitted low-voiced, “I… I never think about sex, to be honest. Or at least not about having it myself. But I know it's something you enjoy, and we both are unable to sleep, so would you like to?”

Dean bit his bottom lip to the point of almost tasting blood and forced himself to keep breathing. Cas had just suggested sex as if it was about grabbing some lunch together. And all of Dean’s body, mostly his organ downstairs, wanted to scream _yes, **yes!** Let's do it!_ though his conscience told him that it was wrong on more levels than he could ignore. 

But when Cas leaned over to his bed and placed a chaste, awkward kiss onto his lips, Dean threw every last doubt overboard and took him by the neck to pull him closer. Cas surely didn't know what he was doing, but _oh_ did it not matter. Dean felt mesmerized by the touch of the angel’s chapped lips on his, he didn't care Cas wasn't experienced. In a way, this innocence made him so much more desirable that Dean’s mind immediately wandered off to all the beautiful things he could show _his_ angel.

Cas shifted to fully lie on top of Dean and suddenly Dean became awfully aware of his _little problem_ downstairs. But Cas didn't seem bothered by it, instead he pressed his own crotch against Dean’s and started moving clumsily against it, forcing Dean to press out a muffled breath of pleasure. Dean wanted anything but this wonderful friction to stop. 

The corners of Dean’s lips crooked into a smile under their kisses as Cas slowly began to understand how to use his tongue. He tasted so good that Dean wanted more, deepened the kiss to pull it apart in a fast motion and catch a breath, longfully gazing into the beauty of the blue oceans that were Cas’ eyes, just to press their lips together again. Cas continued to grind against him in a circling motion of hips that kept Dean from putting together anything resembling a clear though. All his mind could manage to form was _yes please_ and _more._

Finally touching Cas was so much better than Dean had ever dreamed to imagine. The skin of his cheeks was the perfect balance between rough and smooth, the short stubble of an unshaved beard scrubbing against Dean’s throat and sending shivers all over him as Cas traced gentle lines of kisses down to where Dean’s shirt started to cover his chest. Dean curled his hands through Cas’ beautiful dark hair and smelled the hypnotizingly deep scent the angel’s damp skin emitted into the heated air around them.

_I just want you in me._ Dean stopped moving his hands and hips at that thought. He didn't even bother anymore to pretend he had never fantasized about his angel, but this was the first time a thought like that crossed his mind. But _fuck_ if it wasn't true.

“Everything’s okay, Dean?” Cas asked with raspy voice between the kisses meeting Dean’s jaw and throat, “You seem… distracted.”

Dean swallowed. Should he… tell him? They were so far already, Dean knew they would undress in the next few minutes and only God knew where it led them from then on, but was he ready to confess to Cas what he wanted him to do? But Dean desired nothing more at that moment than to be taken apart by the angel, it was an almost petrifying thought.

“I want you to take me, Cas,” he whispered, surprised at his own voice lust-roughened as if he’d been gargling with rock salt. 

Cas’ eyes widened in surprise and Dean immediately regretted telling him. The Winchester felt his cheeks heat up and he was certain if it hadn't been as dark, Cas would've seen him completely flushed red.

“I never took you for the type,” Cas replied with a crooked smile and another brief kiss against the spot under Dean’s ear.

“Well, I am,” Dean tried to joke his way through his insecurity with a small cracking chuckle. He bit his bottom lip and stared at the ceiling, unable to hold direct eye contact. 

Cas licked across his own lips to moisturize them, and swallowed against Dean’s throat. “I guess I can,” he muttered, “But Dean… I'm quite inexperienced in that field…”

Dean smiled lightly. “I can show you.”

“Would it be your first time doing this?” the angel asked and Dean could hear the nervosity in his cracking voice. 

Dean just shook his head in response. “But it would be the first time in some years.”

“Huh,” Cas replied, “Let's just take it slow then, alright?” He traced a caressing motion of his fingers over Dean’s cheek and gently placed his lips on Dean’s mouth. 

They sat up together, never breaking contact between their bodies, to help each other get out of their clothes. They took their time, slowly peeling apart the interfering clothing and revealing damp skin underneath, flushing together whenever a layer fell to the floor. Cas carefully placed his hand over Dean’s chest and followed an invisible trail over his nipples down to his navel and over the thin path of hair that led to his underwear. Cas waited for Dean to nod in consent before pulling away this last barrier covering Dean’s already throbbing member. Dean shivered when Cas’ fingers _finally_ touched him between his legs, working slow thrusts over his cock. The briefest of moans left Dean’s dry mouth.

“Do you want to try?” Cas murmured against Dean’s skin when they both weren't bothered by any kind of clothing anymore. Dean just hummed contently and shared another desiring kiss with his angel.

“So… uh,” Cas muttered nervously, still working his fingers across Dean’s member and making him produce the prettiest of noises, “What do I do?” 

Dean took a long second to collect himself again, letting out the low breath he was keeping in. “I think… Well, it's best if I can take control, at least at the beginning. Can you lay down?”

“Of course, Dean,” Cas whispered in his sandpaper voice, “I wouldn't want to hurt you, just tell me what to do.” The angel shifted himself down on the mattress, lying on his back resting against the headboard for Dean to give himself a moment and let his gaze wander over his beautiful angel. Cas always looked so dorky in his trenchcoat, but naked he was all muscle and firm flesh, dark hair _not only on his head._ And _woah_ , he wasn't all that small, Dean had to admit and swallowed when he thought about taking the angel’s whole length. 

Dean placed himself on top of his angel, his legs on each of Cas’ sides, and came down to share a careful kiss with him. Cas still wasn't a professional at kissing, but Dean couldn't wait to show him his best tricks. He let his tongue slip between Cas’ lips to taste all the sweetness of the angel’s wet mouth, pulling them apart again with their lips connected by a thin string of saliva. He gazed down upon Castiel and where he expected to find darkened lust in the angel’s shimmering eyes, all he found was love. That moment Dean became certain that what they did wasn't about getting off for the angel, but about feeling each other on the deepest of levels and becoming one, not only figuratively.

“I need to be stretched,” Dean whispered without breaking the deep eye contact he shared with Cas. The pale moonlight touched Cas’ cheeks with the most gentle impact, painting him in breathtaking shades of silverish gray. God, how did he deserve such a beautiful being? 

“Should I?” Cas asked with a tiny bit of insecurity ringing in his voice. He traced his fingers over the curve of Dean’s ass, leaving the hunter shuddering and repressing a whimper.

“You can,” Dean breathed, “But you gotta be careful. Make your fingers wet, okay?”

Cas nodded, an expression of both seriousness and love spreaded over his face and body. “I promise, Dean.”

“We don't have any lube though. If you don't have any?” Dean added, but Cas just shook his head. “Then we take spit.”

Cas didn't wait long to place his fingers on Dean’s pouty swollen bottom lip. “Suck on them for me, Dean,” he rasped. Dean took them in obediently, licking and sucking with all the wet saliva he could provide, some drops running down his chin, but Dean really didn't bother. All he wanted was those fingers stretching and scissoring him open.

Cas took his dripping fingers and guided them behind Dean to the hunter’s hole, gently moving in circles over his entrance. Dean gave him a nod and Cas shoved in the first finger.

The first one always burned a bit, so Dean flinched. The friction of fingertips was a lot more intense than the smooth skin of a cock, Dean had enough experience to know that. But having something of Cas in his hole, the mere thought had him trembling in pleasure. He nodded at Cas, who really seemed to try his very best in order to be careful and the angel started moving his finger slightly. 

Dean arched his own body against Cas’ hand, so Cas took it as a sign to stuff another finger inside. To Dean, it was immediately clear he hadn't been stretched in a far too long time. The second slight burn rushed through his body in a wave and Dean had to force himself to take a slow breath in order not to flinch again. When Cas started scissoring his hole, he threw back his head and filled the motel room’s air with muffled moans and curses through his clenched teeth.

“Take… it slow,” he breathed at Cas who immediately slowed down his fingers and muttered a “Sorry”, as if he’d disappointed Dean in the worst of ways. But when Dean leaned down to kiss him, Cas couldn't fight back a smile.

“You’re doing this perfectly,” Dean whispered against Cas’ lips and started moving his hips to shove in the fingers deeper.

“Third?” Cas asked, answered by Dean’s consenting hum and a loud moan when said third finger found its squirming way into Dean’s hole. Stretching was always on the thin edge between pleasurable and way too intense, Dean couldn't even hold his eyes open anymore. He placed a hand around his swollen cock to thrust a few times and let out his internal tension. With each thrust came a sigh of release, completed by Cas’ hum of enjoyment.

The fourth finger went in relatively easy, and though it still stung a bit, Dean gave a nod in Cas’ direction to show him he was ready. When the angel pulled out his hand, Dean couldn't help but to gasp at the sudden feeling of emptiness, as if he needed to be filled immediately. His hole clenched without him consciously choosing to do so. All he saw was a sleek smile shimmering on Cas’ lips, the angel certainly enjoyed the sight of him being needy to be stuffed.

Cas covered his cock in a lot more spit then he needed, but Dean appreciated how careful he was. Slowly he aligned his dick with Dean’s entrance, and when Dean gave him a sign with his eyes, he slipped in as cautiously as physically possible. 

Only the tip was in yet, but Dean couldn't help but moan as if his soul was being teared into two. Yes, it stung more than he was willing to admit, and he had to collect some slow, controlled breaths, but it didn't hurt, which Dean thanked all the heavens for. Cas just observed him with careful blue eyes and waited for him to give a sign for the angel to continue. Dean was almost shocked at how much control the angel had over his own body while the head of his cock was buried into Dean’s clenching hole. Cas must’ve been overwhelmed by the sensitivity, and yet he didn't even produce half of the untamed sounds that Dean was forced to press through his teeth.

It took Dean some long moments to adjust to the feeling until he told Cas to continue. “Just… go _really_ slow, alright?” he puffed, out of breath as if he’d been running a mile. When Cas slipped in deeper, as slow as the angel could, Dean threw back his head into his neck and forced a long, guttural groan out of his throat. He couldn't tell how loud he was, but probably too loud. Carefully he leaned down on Cas, his naked skin against the angel’s chest, and devoured him in an open-mouthed, messy kiss. When Cas answered with lips just as hot and needy, Dean started moving as an instinct he didn't realize himself at first.

Dean just felt so _full_ of Castiel and it was something he never wanted to stop. Moving his hips in slow circles he drew out muffled moans from both of them, needy and damp and with their bodies closely entangled, as if they never wanted to let go of each other.

“Am I doing this right?” Cas asked unsure of himself, but Dean just threw him the sweetest of smiles. He couldn't understand the angel’s insecurities, after all he was just _so perfect_ , and _fuck_ felt he amazing.

“You’re the best thing I’ve ever had, and that's a total understatement,” Dean whispered into a kiss, “And you feel so good.”

“You do too,” Cas said with a light shining in his smile. Dean couldn't believe he wasn't dreaming, he didn't deserve the angel at all, but Cas was in him and around him and his smell was all in the air, everything was so good Dean felt drunk of love. He hadn't even realized until now they had stopped moving to just gaze at each other and feel their skin flushing together.

This wasn't the dirty, rough sex Dean had expected. He’d dreamed of fast movements and hot touches full of hard desire and kisses so deep he would forget where his own body ended and Cas’ begun. Tugging on hair and skin and rough moans of each other’s names. But he’d been the biggest liar if he didn’t admit how perfect and so much better it was to gently love Cas with every touch that melted from his fingers into the angel’s skin. They could save rough and dirty for later.

That night none of them came to a climax. They weren’t exactly quiet, but they took their time to slowly experience each other and love in the most caring of ways. When Dean fell asleep in Castiel’s arms, the first rays of daylight already peeked through the windows to greet them with a beautiful new morning.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After hearing about a strange murder in North Carolina, Sam, Dean, John and Castiel decide to go there to found what happened there.  
> Once arrived, they will find out something they weren't excepting.

North Carolina - two days ago.

 

It was dark in the streets, around 3am, when a terrified blond woman bursted into an alley, followed by a man peacefully humming, his face hidden by the shadows of the night.  
Even though there wasn't enough light to see his face, his wicked sadistic smile could be seen from a long distance.

The woman ran for her life, panting and wincing, in the darkened alley, almost falling as her left leg was bleeding and bumped into a dumpster.  
Every 30 seconds she turned around to throw a glance behind her.  
At the sight of the man still coldly walking toward her, she sped up.

"Oh honey, do you really think _running_ will save you? How _human_ of you. I gotta say I'm kind of disappointed here," a condescending and sweet voice echoed in the deserted alley.

This only made the woman run faster, terror almost making her forget about her wounded leg. But at the end of alley, she met a wall. There was no way to escape now.

"Oh! Dead-end, oops!" the man laughed, faking shocked at her unfortunate situation by raising one hand to his mouth.

"H-how can you-Why? I thought it was over! Why are doing this?" the woman cried out, standing against a wall and looking desperate.

"Oh but you know why," the man taunted with a fake kind voice as if speaking to a child.

"Please! P-please no!" the woman begged while sobbing, her hands risen in front of her, in an attempt to protect herself.

The figure of a hand rose and in a shriek, white light erupted from the blond woman, leaving her dead on the floor, shadows of burned out wings sprayed on the floor.

The unknown man took a step back and left the scene without looking back at his victim, as if nothing out of the ordinary just happened, while whistling _Sympathy for the Devil._

 

\------

On their shared bed, Dean and Castiel were lying peacefully, Dean lazily caressing Cas' back as the angel's head was resting on the hunter's chest.  
Dean's alarm clock already rang a few times since a moment now, but neither of them wanted to move and leave the bed.  
The peace of the present moment was so flawless, every problem from their lives felt so meaningless.  
It was just like a dream.

 

Cas was there, at Dean's side, half lying on him with his cute messy morning hair. The hunter thought he'd feel awful and full of regrets after yesterday night, but no.  
Dean felt like he needed nothing more than Castiel at his side.  
He might even feel _happy_ for the first time in his life since years, Dean thought.

Even though he didn't sleep, Cas' face looked less serious and more relaxed than usual. The permanent frown he'd always have on his face was replaced by a little smile and the blue of his eyes looked more alive and vivid than ever, but also dreamy as if just lying beside Dean brought him all he could ever want in the world. 

"Dean,"Cas said after a moment, still not attempting to move at all and keeping his head resting on Dean's chest.

At the unexpected sound of Cas' voice, Dean's hand froze on Cas' back but then as the hunter did so, he felt all the back's muscles of Castiel tense as well at the stop of caress. Taking a breath, Dean tried to relaxed and continued to caress the angel.

"Cas," Dean answered in a whisper, as if afraid to destroy this peaceful moment.

"Shouldn't we get up and meet up with Sam and your father now?" Castiel asked with concern.

"Man! Talking about my brother and my dad while still being naked and in bed Cas? What a way to break the moment," Dean sighed but kept slightly caressing Cas' back.

"I... didn't mean to _'break the moment'_ Dean, I'm sorry." Raising his head to stare straight into Dean's with the most serious face Cas could make, big bright blue eyes full of regret and fear.

"No it's okay. It's just... Please just don't bring up Sam when we're having a moment okay?" Dean kindly requested with a sweet smile, trying to comfort Cas.

 

"And definitely **not ever again** my father! Do not talk about my father when we're doing things together Cas!" Dean added, faking alarm in an attempt of joking and making the atmosphere lighter.

"I promise I won't Dean," Cas announced solemnly, with wide and serious eyes.

Dean cleared his throat awkwardly at Cas' seriousness and rubbed at the nape of his neck, before saying, "Okay... Well, I guess I'm gonna join Sam and John now, they'll probably go eat breakfast soon."

At those words, Castiel nodded and sat up on the bed and let go of Dean. The hunter stood up and regretfully left the bed to the bathroom, already missing Cas' presence at his side and the weight of him almost lying on his chest with his messy black hair tickling his chin at each breath he took.  
Once the bathroom, he took as little time as possible and went out of his room to his brother and father's room with a mumbled "Later Cas!" as he passed the door.

"See you later Dean," a now dressed up Cas answered quietly from the bed, sitting with a shy smile and a slight blush covering his face at the thoughts of what happened yesterday and what it could mean from now on.

\-------

Dean found Sam and John in their motel room, already dressed and ready to leave for breakfast.  
As he entered their room, Sam looked up from laptop and smiled smugly John paled and avoided looking at his oldest son.

"Good morning Dean. Did you sleep well?" Sam immediately asked his brother, with a very suspiciously too happy and curious ton to be innocent.

As Sam asked this question, John suddenly turned to glare at him, as if trying to telepathically send him hatred. The Winchester father, then, decided that it was the perfect time to go take a shower and get as far as possible from his boys and to avoid their conversation, not feeling comfortable to talk about nor hear what, he guessed, Sam was about to bring up.

"Yeah like a baby," Dean answered innocently, while stretching his arms above his head, completely oblivious of his brother's amusement of the situation.

Sam's eyes followed John walking into the bathroom, waiting a few minutes before returning to looking at Dean.

"Feeling a little bit sore, are we?" Sam questioned Dean, grinning as if he just got a present he'd been waiting for years.

Dean frowned and as realisation went through his thoughts, Dean's face went paler and paler.  
Sam expected Dean to deny everything before he could even say a word or get angry. But what he saw he glared at his brother before sighing loudly and covering his face with a pathetic moan.

"Oh no... Don't tell you could hear us from your room. Please don't," Dean almost implored Sam, looking at Sam's sorry eyes from behind his hands, still half covering his face.  
"You did," the older brother guessed and smiled bitterly.

"Yeah... we did," Sam admitted pitifully.

" _'We'_? Oh no dad! I didn't think about him! It's even worse!" Dean exclaimed and threw a horrified glance at the bathroom door.

In there, the shower could be still heard and suddenly Dean was really glad his father was in a different room.  
Dean sat on one of the beds of the room, looking at the floor, forearms resting on his knees and head in his hands.

"Hey, euh I just want you to know that I'm glad for you and Ca-," Sam told Dean, eyes sparkling with sympathy and compassion, while reaching to put a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Wow! Stop it Sam! We're not in some chick flick TV show," Dean interrupted his brother, standing up suddenly, and raising his hands in front of him in offence.

At this, Dean received one of Sam's famous bitch face before his little brother turned to his laptop and ignored him for the moment.

\-----

After about five minutes, John opened the bathroom door and entered into the room. As he did so, Sam looked up from his laptop and straightened himself in his chair before clearing his throat to get Dean and John's attention.  
When he got both of them to look at him questioningly, he started to talk.

"I found something. Two days ago, a woman's been stabbed to death, in North Carolina. They found her today with various injuries and I quote _‘strange winged shadows on the floor where the victim's corpse was found’_. _And another body was found four days ago, eyes burned out,"_ as he finished, Sam looked gravely at Dean. The older brother joined Sam at the desk and started to read the article.

" _Eyes burned out?_ What the hell is that? What could do something like that?" John immediately voiced, confusion and perplexity filling his eyes.

"Angels," Dean answered distractedly, keeping his eyes focused on Sam's laptop.

 

John just stared at Dean with widened eyes, not sure if what Dean just said was a joke or serious.  
But as Sam nodded and confirmed to his brother that it was what he thought, John realised that Dean was being dead serious.

"Wait angels? You're serious? Aren't they supposed to be the good guys?" John asked incredulously, glancing from Sam to Dean.

"Well if you think like that, just remember that Lucifer is an angel and he's not really considered as a good guy," Dean said to his father, laughing at his own _joke_ and only getting Sam to look done and a horrific for John.

Then, after a moment, John frowned and hesitated before asking, "Wait so you mean that your buddy, Castiel, can do _that_?"

Dean only puffed at John's question and answered as if he's been offended that his father thought less of Cas, "Yeah of course! He even fought in intergalactic heaven-ish Wars or I don't know. He had angels under his orders and all. Why?"

"I didn't realise he was powerful like that. I mean have you seen him with that dirty trench-coat he wears?" John shrugged.

"He had his own garrison and was the captain of it!" Dean added with a challenging glance to his father and pride shining in his eyes.

Sam cleared his throat to get Dean and John's attention. As both turned to Sam, he forced a smile before gesturing to his laptop.  
"I guessed we should leave then, we have a case waiting for us."

Dean put a hand on Sam's right shoulder and declared, "Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna get Cas and start _Baby_. Meet in about ten minutes in the parking lot," then walked out of the room.

\----

About fifteen minutes later, everyone is in the car, for once, John and Cas are both in the back but no tension is palpable, except maybe for John's discomfort. The father wouldn't stop glancing at Cas then at Dean uncomfortably for some reason.

The journey to North Carolina was eventless, they were forced to listen to Dean's music and got reminded that Dean and John share the same tastes in music. So Sam complained about the music for the whole thing and then managed to forget about Dean's pie when buying food, which then led to Dean complaining about that for the rest of the drive.

During the journey, Castiel just sat in his seat, and softly smiled whenever the Winchesters would get into a little fight about some unimportant thing. The angel would especially look at Dean with a fond expression and love in the eyes, then turn his face to the window and study the landscape they'd be going through.

\----

As soon as they arrived in the town where the angel got killed, Cas' smile left his face. Concern and sadness covering his face, Cas frowned as everyone left the car.  
At the sight of the angel's grim face, Dean stepped closer to him, as everyone walked toward the motel they'd stay at, and put a hand on his back, trying to comfort him even though he had no idea what was bothering the angel.

At Dean's gesture, Cas’ facial features softened and he smiled to Dean but his eyes stayed filled with concern, only his mouth smiled.

\----

Once they booked their rooms, one for Sam and John and another one for Dean and Cas, they all dressed as FBI agents and left the motel to the crime scene.  
The dead-end, where the victim was killed a week ago, was already filled with police officers and forensics going all around, talking and investigating the scene. 

As they went towards there, Sam and John walking in front of Cas and Dean, Castiel's mood darkened the closer they were getting to the scene.  
The angel couldn't help but think about all the angels who've died during the last few years.  
So many of his brothers and sisters died, too many of them died. He, _himself_ , even died several times but kept coming back for some strange reason. He felt unworthy of that when he thought about all those who died and didn't deserve to, all those _he_ was responsible for the deaths. Why was he still here if they couldn't. He wasn't innocent, he knew it, he'd taken lives of so many, and no matter what would anyone tell him, he couldn't help but feel like he didn't deserve to be be _here_. He felt exhausted and frustrated that no matter what he did, he couldn't help or save everyone. He felt like he always will end up failing and causing more damages than fixing problems or preventing them.  
He felt useless, _once again_.  
Especially when they reached to the crime scene and he got a sight of the burned wings marks on the floor.

As soon as they got to the scene though, a police officer, around his fifties with an impressive moustache, came up to them and before they could say anything, exclaimed with fake enthusiasm.  
"And here come the Feds! Why are you so many? Four damn agents for a little case like that? What, you're so bad that you need to be lot to compensate?"

Sam's eyebrows rose in surprise at the hostile welcome, Dean's face changed to an offended one and John simply stared at the officer impassively, his face looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

"New staff on training. 'Need to get on the field to get 'bit of experience," John grumbled darkly, being the only one to quickly react and find an answer to the officer.

The officer observed them all condescendingly for a few seconds, then asked to see their badges. When Cas showed his and ended up holding it upside down, the man rolled his eyes and didn't even bother to actually give a look at his badge as if feeling insulted by that and left them, seeming to think that the angel was just some _really clumsy new agent who wouldn't last long_.

"Wow! What a douchebag!" Dean commented as soon as the man was out of earshot, turning his face to follow the man with his eyes, annoyance in his expression.

During the interaction, Cas' eyes never really left the victim lying on the floor. The usual frown covering his face was now deeper.  
When Dean gestured to him that they could go closer, Cas didn't wait any longer and immediately walked up to look closer at the victim.  
As he arrived just a feet away from her, he kneeled and sighed, grief invading his body, his shoulders slumping under sadness and the feeling of uselessness, "Jehoel," the angel murmured and closed his eyes for a few seconds.

At this, Dean put a hand on Cas' shoulder, throwing a concerned and questioning glance to the angel.

Cas stood up and sighed once again, turned to Dean and declared, "It's Jehoel, he was in my garrison. He was a loyal angel and a good friend. I-I actually hadn't seen or heard of him since before getting you out of Hell. "

Dean threw a nervous glance at John, afraid the Winchester father would hear and ask questions Dean didn't want to answer yet, or actually _ever_. Then, when it was clear that Sam and John were too busy talking with some random forensic, Dean turned to face Cas, frowning and smiling with sorry eyes to the angel before reaching and squeezing his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

Sam and John joined them just at this moment, the forensic only confirmed that the woman was stabbed once and died from it but no explanation was found for the burned wing marks on the floor except maybe if the _killer had some weird fantasies or obsession with birds or angels_ , the forensic joked.

"The thing that we need to figure out is who killed that angel and why," Sam pondered, his face already looking like he was trying to think about any possible answers to his wondering.

"Well that woman was Jehoel according to Cas the guy was apparently a good angel guy. So I don't know man," the older brother states.

"Maybe the angel had something of value? Something or information about something," John suggested tentatively.

"Jehoel was friendly with everyone. I don't know why someone would kill him. Maybe the person who killed him wanted to get someone else and tried to get information from him," wondered Cas, frown deepening at these thoughts.

Suddenly, Cas looked like he just saw something strange on the floor close to the corpse and leaned on his knees, before moving the victim to the side, revealing a sort of strange symbols in what appeared to be blood on the floor.

"What the fuck is that?" Dean asked, frowning at the symbols.

"It's in enochian. It's _enochian magic_ , but..." Cas started but stopped himself and rose his face to look at the Winchesters, a seriously perplexed expression on his face. "No one ever really used that. I don't understand," Cas continued with unsure eyes.

"Do you know what it's supposed to do?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"It's a spell for an angel to steal another angel's power," Castiel announced gravely.

 

\----

After finding about the _enochian magic_ spell, the Winchesters and Castiel left and went back to the motel, to try to make some research and think about a possible reason for an angel to do such a thing.  
They all were in Sam and John's room, Sam on his laptop looking up enochian magic, John at a table reading an old book that appeared to be about angels that Sam gave him, Dean sitting on one of the two beds in the room, drinking a beer and Castiel standing next to him with a grim and focused face, when a man suddenly appeared in the middle of the room.  
As soon as he appeared out of nowhere, the Winchesters didn't loose time and were already armed, guns, and angel blade for Castiel, pointing at him.

The man was about Dean's height, around his thirties, dressed casually in a pair of jeans, a simple black t-shirt and a leather jacket. The only physically singular thing about him was the tattoos lines that looked like they were coming from his chest and reached to his neck. He had brown short messy hair, grey-ish eyes and was currently looking very amused by the sight of the Winchesters and Castiel threatening him.  
He took a step forward to Castiel, casually putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans. But as soon as he stepped forward, Dean stood up and moved in front of Cas, shielding the angel and glaring at the unknown man.  
The man looked at Dean unimpressively, as if bored by the hunter's unsurprising action, and observed Castiel with a little smile, the kind of smile you'd give to a child when they'd ask you a stupid and strange question but still managed to ask it in a cute way.

"Aaah... Castiel," the unknown man let out a long sigh, sarcastically smiling fondly to Cas.

"Raziel?" Castiel asked, tilting his head and frowning in confusion at the angel standing in front of him.

At Castiel's question, Dean glanced at him questioningly, but Cas kept his eyes focused on the angel.

"You remember me," Raziel said with a touched face.  
"Oh, Castiel. I can't say I've missed you with all the shits you've done. I mean Heaven and all..." Raziel started, looking at his shoes, as if everyone in the room wasn't pointing at him with arms since he appeared.  
"I _knew_ you and your human puppies would come around, when I heard about Jehoel's death, and try to _'fix'_ things that are clearly **none of your business** ," Raziel growled, eyes shining blue under his anger, making everyone in the room take a step backward from the angel and straightened their hold on their arms.  
Then he immediately calmed down and smiled like nothing wrong just happened and added, "But still, good manners matter so _Hello dear brother, could you and your "friends" get the hell out of here?_ "


	10. Chapter 10

"The heck we gonna leave!" Dean exclaimed as he stepped closer with his bow-legged walk, straightening his back in a threatening pose. He knew it wouldn't do anything to an actual angel, but nevertheless the grip around his knife tightened until his knuckles went colourless.  
Raziel didn't even turn his gaze to look at the hunter, but he gave a slight chuckle that would've seemed amused under different circumstances. 

"I'm not talking to you, you brainless ape," he enunciated without raising his voice for even a syllable. With a suave wave of Raziel's hands Dean felt a rapid energy crashing into his body and pushing him into the wall, leaving his back in sharp pain as the air was violently pressed out of his lungs. With shock wide eyes he watched as both Sam and John were thrown back under the angel's power, each of them either pushed to a wall or into the ground.

"Leave them, Raziel!" Castiel growled darkly as shadows painted his face and his eyes filled with a blaze of angelic grace. _He_ wouldn't be thrown over by the whiff of power the other angel could manage to burst out. "Leave them or I _will_ crush you." 

"Try me, brother," Raziel taunted and slipped an angel blade from the sleeve of his leather jacket into the firm grasp of his right hand.

Castiel didn't hesitate. With an almost graceful rush he tackled into Raziel, the blade raised over his head falling down to graze the other's cheek, laying bare an open wound that spilled both blood and the piercing light of angelic grace. With a sharp hiss as an answer Raziel clutched Castiel's wrist to throw him down and make himself the one in control. He smiled devilishly as his own weapon dashed down, only to meet Castiel's hand grasping around the shaft and stopping it right before his face. Now it became a simple physical trial of strength between the two angels, one trying to bring the blade down and dig it into thick skull, the other desperately pushing it away to dodge from this life-threatening position. With a sheer amount of grace-enhanced adrenalin pulsating through his vessel, Castiel managed to jerk away the blade from Raziel's hands and fling it onto to the ground. Using the momentum and Raziel's surprise, Cas grabbed him tight and pulled him down, and in a swift circling motion Cas was the one on top with his angel blade hovering dangerously close to Raziel's face.  
As Cas let his weapon rush down onto the other angel, Raziel rapidly avoided the contact by pulling away his head, so the only thing Castiel’s attack did before Raziel could manage to disarm him with a fast punch of hands was striking the vessel’s cheek and leaving behind another grace-bleeding cut. The second blade was hurled out of reach for both of them, having them engage in unarmed combat.  
Using the advantage of still being on top of the other, Castiel grabbed the collar of Raziel’s shirt and let a series of punches rain down on his face, the painful sound of a fist crushing into bone over and over again filling the air like music, until both of them were out of breath and only a whimper from Raziel was left. 

It took Castiel more than just a moment to regain his temper as he looked down on the injured angel and the thought of reaching for the blade to end his business flashed through his mind. But Castiel broke his grip from Raziel’s shirt and let the panting angel sink down to the floor.

Dean felt the force that had kept him from moving cease from his body, still he barely processed the fight that had happened within the last thirty seconds in front of him. Cas hardly ever got combative like that, but when his eyes shone blue with angelic grace, he didn’t look human anymore, regardless of what a harmless dork in a trench coat he might’ve been just some moments ago. 

When Dean caught up with all his senses again, he walked over to pick up both angel blades and smoothly slipped them under his clothes. Sam was already there with the angel-proof handcuffs; Raziel in his half-conscious state didn’t even struggle. 

It took a few minutes before Raziel came back to full awareness, his body in no condition to move since his hands were properly cuffed and he’d been tied to a chair. There was no escaping for the angel now.

“Why don’t you just kill me, huh?” were the first words he spit out, together with a painful cough and a bit of blood. His vessel had injuries he couldn’t heal right away like he was used to, thanks to the handcuffs limiting his powers. He pressed against them in a half-hearted attempt to get himself free, but even if he could, he wouldn’t be in the shape to make an escape against a seraph and three hunters.

“Good question,” John answered, but Sam and Dean glared at him in response, getting him to be quiet without further commenting. The oldest hunter frowned and took a seat next to the table, propped his elbows onto it and wiped over his face in an expression that said how done he was with all of them. Angel business and working together with creatures was clearly not his style. Dean didn’t blame him, sometimes he wished himself back to when it was only the Impala, shabby motel rooms and salt ‘n’ burn all the time. But right now, they had worse things to think about.  
“Because,” Castiel explained slowly and in a patient tone, as if Raziel was too dense to understand it otherwise, “There’s already too much angel blood on my hands. For once let’s just talk about this, we need to think of more than our senseless fighting.”

“You want to work together, is that what you’re talking about?” Raziel snorted followed by a long cough. The angel probably would’ve raised an eyebrow if his face didn’t hurt too much. But frankly, it did, so he just frowned a painful grimace like a beaten dog.

“Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying,” Cas continued without a trace of emotion in his voice. To Dean, he sounded tired, as if he just wanted all of it to be over. 

“We need to know who is killing angels,” Dean stepped in. He didn’t have time for Raziel’s stupid game, either he talked or Dean had no problem with sending him back to heaven for good.

“Or what? What will you do if I don’t talk? Torture me?” Raziel let out something that was probably supposed to be a sarcastic chuckle, instead just sounded like a washing machine filled with pebble stones.

“Or we could get your grace out of you, maybe you enjoy being human,” Dean suggested and took one of the angel blades into his grip. “As far as I know we just have to make the right cut…” He walked up to the chair Raziel was bound to and traced a faint line with the touch of the blade over the angel’s throat, hinting what he might do if Raziel wasn’t speaking up. Raziel swallowed, suddenly less loud-mouthed.

“We are _not_ going to do that, Dean,” Castiel demanded with a stern look in Dean’s direction, “We _don’t_ want to fight, Raziel.”

Raziel almost laughed. “Yeah, I get that. It’s not like you already beat me half dead. Sure, Castiel. No fight needed.”

“You were the one who threatened my friends,” Castiel growled.

“ _Friends_? You call your hairless puppy dogs _friends_?” Raziel sneered in disbelief, “You are a shame of an angel, you know that?”

“This is _not_ what we are going to talk about,” Castiel ordered, “I do not care what you think about humans. Our brethren are dying and I will do what I can to stop that. So will you help?”

“ _My_ brethren are dying. You aren’t one of us anymore,” Raziel snarled. He breathed in deeply, needed to bite through his pain. “But yes, I will help. You may be an utter disappointment to all of us angels, but we need to take any help we can get against this enemy.”

Castiel wasn’t sure whether Raziel only said that so they wouldn’t kill him or worse. No, they couldn’t trust him, after all the angel was in a compromising position, but Castiel knew they needed him to find out what they were up against. And having the host of heaven on their side for once instead of fearing they might strike them any time could be a welcome change. Castiel didn’t expect he would ever be able to go back home, but if they did this right… No, he couldn’t allow himself to think about it.

“So, can I get out of these now?” Raziel asked and struggled against his handcuffs again, pressed himself against the ropes that were tying him to the chair.

“Not yet,” Dean said, got himself a chair from the table and sat right in front of Raziel, with a loose grip around his blade pointing at the angel. “Gimme one reason why we should trust you.”

Raziel rolled his eyes dramatically, and even though his face was sorely injured, the expression came through. “Listen up, monkey,” he articulated, “I tell you who’s our enemy and we work together, alright? And besides, I’m barely in the shape to run away like this, am I?”

“He’s got a point, Dean,” Sam shrugged. The youngest Winchester leaned in the doorframe, mostly staying quiet through the conversation. He didn’t seem too interested in interfering, since Dean and Cas handled the situation quite well on their own. John sat on the table, listening silently to the discussion between his son and the angels, while the frown on his face never left its place.

Dean looked over to Cas for reassurement and the seraph gave him an approving nod. “Alright, Raz. Tell us who’s killing your feathered friends.”

“Lucifer,” Raziel said briefly.

For a second too long the room became void of sound. None of them said anything, just interchanged doubtful looks, Dean’s cautious green meeting Cas’ cold blue, staying there, waiting, forging an unspoken dialogue. Dean didn’t think of the _how_ , it didn’t matter how Lucifer broke free again. What mattered was why he was killing angels and where he was now. They needed a way to gank him, but that would take time to think of. Dean hated to admit it, but they could need the angels. 

“Alright, how do we know you’re telling the truth?” Dean wanted to know. He handed over one of the angel blades to Castiel, feeling their fingers slightly brush over each other when it changed owners.

“You don’t,” Raziel stated and he probably would’ve shrugged if he wasn’t in this compromising position. “But I am willing to team up with you, and I wouldn’t say that if our enemy wasn’t so strong.”

“You can’t possibly believe what that angel is talking about,” John said from his place next to the table, “Lucifer? The devil?!” Four pairs of eyes wandered over to the oldest of the Winchesters and Raziel chuckled lightly.

“Is he new in the hunter business?” the angel asked with genuine joy in his voice, grinning at how John’s face changed from frowning to furious.

Dean grunted. “Kinda. But that’s not the point. Fifteen minutes ago you wanted us to piss off and now we gotta believe you want our help?”

“Believe it, don’t believe it, I don’t care. But we had a deal. I tell you who it is and you let me out of these.” Raziel demonstratively rocked against the ropes that held him in place.

“Okay,” Dean said slowly, “I don’t believe a word you’re saying, but if we’re really up against Lucifer, we can need you and heaven can definitely need us.” Dean stood up from his chair, angel blade pointed at the bound angel, and got behind him. “One wrong move,” he menaced as he fiddled with the handcuffs’ lock. With an audible “click” they flung open, breaking the seal on Raziel’s grace and letting him regain his powers. The angel removed the ropes around him with nothing more than a thought and his swollen face healed up in a heartbeat. The only thing proving there had ever been a fight between him and Castiel were the grazes where the angel blade had hit him, not even his grace could close these injuries that fast.

Raziel carefully stood up from his chair, walked a few steps before he stopped and looked at the hunters around him. “Alright. Let’s work together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Opinions and kudos are appreciated ♡ thanks


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